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How to Have GREAT Sex

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Last summer a team of scientists published a
paper in the Canadian Journal of Human Sexuality.  The team had interviewed both individuals
having great sex and sex therapists to determine the qualities necessary for
what they called “optimal sex”.  They
identified eight key factors:  being
present, connection, deep sexual and erotic intimacy, extraordinary
communication, interpersonal risk taking and exploration, authenticity,
vulnerability and transcendence.

What’s so important about this paper?  Most research into human sexuality focuses on
dysfunction and how to resolve it.  This
paper was all about how to make a good thing great.  What’s interesting to me is that chemistry,
physical attraction, and orgasms were not in the top eight components.  Those are the three things that most people
think of first when they think of great sex, right?  Those things are important for a hot
one-night stand, but if you want outstanding sex on a regular basis, you have
to go deeper.

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Let’s review the eight factors necessary for
truly GREAT sex.

1.      Being Present.  This means that when your partner is talking
to you, you are listening.  You’re not
planning what to say next.  You’re not thinking
about work, or about having sex later. 
You are listening to her.  It
means that when you are being intimate, you are focusing on your partner’s body
and his reactions to your touch.  You
look into his eyes and really see him. 
Being present is unbelievably sexy.

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