Getting Ready for Grown-Up Sex


Getting Ready for Grown-Up Sex

1.      Fear. 
It can be scary to open up and allow you to be vulnerable and truly
intimate with another person; even if it’s someone you’re married to or have
known for a long time.  Part of the
process of having grown-up sex is to allow you to be truly vulnerable.  Being vulnerable means that we share not only
what feels safe, but what feels scary. 
The best way to break out of this prison is one brick at a time.  Perhaps there are several things you’d like
your partner to do to you in bed; you can begin by sharing the thing that feels
the least scary to say out loud.  You can
share in a positive, self-referential way, “I like it when you do that” or “it
would feel so good if you touched me here.” 

2.      Insecurity.  There are so many things we can choose to be
insecure about when it comes to sex.  In
our performance driven, youth-focused society, we could obsess about the size
and shape of every one of our body parts. 
Part of the power of conscious sex is its ability to help us reclaim our
personal power in relationship to our physical body.  Stop comparing yourself to others and focus
on being the best you can be in each moment. 
Take heart in the assertion of David Schnarch, Ph.D., who says that
humans don’t mature sexually from an emotional standpoint until we’re in our 40’s
or 50’s.  Wrinkles, grey hair and stretch
marks are all signs of sexual maturity, not proof that we’re too old for sex or
not good enough any more.

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