3. How do they handle sexual dysfunction? The prevailing wisdom that many marriage therapists share is, in my opinion, detrimental to real growth and healing. They focus on getting in touch with yourself and focusing on your own sensations. This can further alienate couples instead of bringing them closer. If you need to focus on yourself to figure out what feels good, do it by yourself. Or, do it to yourself with your partner watching so they can learn too. But if you really want intimacy, you have to connect to each other with your eyes, your hearts and your minds. True intimacy is built up in a myriad of ways, with intercourse being the last act on a long list of ways to connect.
4. Are you and your partner committed to being open, honest and transparent? If you’re not, you’re just wasting your time. A professional, no matter how gifted and talented they are, can’t truly help if you’re hiding things from them. It’s scary to commit to being that open and vulnerable, but it’s impossible to engage in a conscious relationship if you’re hiding behind your emotional fortress.