1. Is the therapist pro-marriage or marriage-neutral? There’s a saying, “when you go through life as a hammer, everything looks like a nail.” Relationships offer a rich and varied way for people to learn their life lessons. It’s important to understand the dynamics at work in your relationship so you can learn the lessons and shift your beliefs and behaviors. Otherwise, you just get to repeat the same problems with a different person. However, there are times when a marriage has run its course; the couple has received what they came into the relationship for, and it can end gracefully.
2. Does s/he focus on the dysfunction of one or both of you? In any argument, there are two sides to every story. Often one member will be presenting the ‘problem’, but the other partner always has their own version of it as well. If the therapist focuses on trying to “fix” one partner, find another one fast, unless he has made it clear that you’ll be taking turns in the hot seat.
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