Then there are those decorative Chinese “relaxation balls.” These have been sold in Chinatowns across the country for decades. They come in a fancy box and they’re decorated with enamel paint and gold filigree. They have a weight and a chime in each one, and their intended use is to massage your hands. They make a noise and have an interesting vibrating sensation when you jiggle them. Despite their seeming potential for erotic pleasure, I would strongly recommend NOT inserting these into your vagina. Unless you are adept at these kinds of things, you could have great difficulty removing them once inserted. Some of my friends can attest to this fact, and the anxiety that sets in when something’s hard to remove from your vagina will make it that much more difficult. While I have a sneaking suspicion that whoever began importing them saw the erotic possibilities, we say there are easier ways to have just as much fun. And, they do make great hand massagers.
This handy, dandy contraption is called the Passionate Purple Pussy Pump. It's meant to swell our lady flower and make orgasms more intense. Sure. (muffled laughter) Likely story. I guess it serves us women right, though. While we thought it rather humorous to make endless (endless!) jokes about penile pumps/extenders, the concept isn't nearly as humorous when we're encouraged to vacuum our nether regions with something that sort of reminds us of a plunger.
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