Can you pick some up on your way
home?” Disruptive communication happens
when we are angry or upset, and leads to a feeling of being disconnected from
your partner. It includes “you” language
such as, “You never clean up after yourself.”
Connective communication brings people together, so it’s important to
spend time each day communicating in a connective way. Let your partner know when you appreciate
something they’ve done, speak from the heart, and let them in on your hopes,
fears and dreams. Connective
communication includes not just words, but body language. A kiss goodbye, a hug for no reason, or
looking lovingly into your partners eyes are all examples of connective
2. Laugh together. Laughter is great medicine. It helps the endorphins kick in and remind
you why you connected in the first place.
Studies have shown that women who find their mates funny have happier
and longer marriages. You can rent a
funny movie, go to a comedy show, or even decide to look for funny things about
your regular day. It’s easy to look for
what’s wrong, try looking for what’s funny instead.
3. Turn off the TV. Unless it’s a funny movie and you’re laughing
together, TV makes us catatonic. Focus
on each other instead of the screen. Use
the time you’d spend watching the news for the second time to practice
connective communication. It might feel
awkward at first, especially if you’ve developed the habit of watching TV all
night, but it will get easier.
4. Go somewhere different. Whether it’s a new restaurant, or getting
lost on a Sunday drive, do something different to stay out of a rut. This is especially important in bed. Get a toy, share a fantasy, or indulge in an
afternoon delight. The hormones that got
you going when you were first together are different than the ones that help
you stay together, but you can amp things up again by infusing novelty into
your sex life.
5. Spend Time Alone. I mean totally alone, by yourself, not even
with your partner. Alone time is
rejuvenating to the soul, and absence makes the heart grow fonder. I recommend you each take a separate vacation
once a year. I try to go away a couple
of times a year for a weekend, and then one full week by myself every year.