Your spouse has come clean on an affair. Should you stay or should you go?
Even if you do find another mate, that relationship also has risks. Every relationship does.
When considering 10-10-10 in making your decision to reconcile or divorce, think of the effect on your children in ten years. Children do better when they grow up with their biological parents. Additionally, holidays, seating and honors at your children's weddings, potential half-siblings, and many other matters will become part of their lives as well as yours if either you or your mate marry someone else.
Divorce or reconciliation both have consequences now, in a few months, and in the years to come. Think carefully about whether to end the relationship now or to risk another try at making it work well.
5. Seek the proper help. If you think you may reconcile, find the right help. Forgiving and reconciling do not happen naturally. It requires understanding how the infidelity occurred so that boundaries can be set to prevent it ever occurring again.
Sometimes gaining that understanding causes pain in both the betrayer and the betrayed. Realizing why your spouse developed an emotional bond with another person can be extremely painful. Beyond that, you may face your own flaws if you happen to discover any unwitting contributions you made to situations that opened the possibility of unfaithfulness. That does not mean that you take responsibility for your spouse’s adultery, but that you recognize any of your marital imperfections.
Deciding not to divorce requires understanding how to forgive and reconcile. Reconciliation occurs in phases. It starts as a decision and, if done well, develops into an emotion. Learning how to make the decisions involved in the reconciliation process and knowing how to evaluate the process as it happens is very important.
Ultimately, the goal is not to reconcile for the sake of reconciliation, but to learn to love deeply. There are many professionals who can help you through deciding whether to reconcile, and then, if you wish, to actually accomplish the reconciliation. They can help you love again and have a better marriage than you had.