Should You Divorce An Unfaithful Spouse?

By Joe Beam. Posted on Oct 9th 2012.

Your spouse has come clean on an affair. Should you stay or should you go?

"Everybody in my family tells me to divorce her. My mom will be furious if I don't. She called Shelly some pretty bad names. Called the guy she was involved with worse names. She insists that I file immediately."

"Why haven't you?" I asked.

More from YourTango: Lover or Spouse - Who Should I Choose?

"I don't know. I'm hurt. Deeply. But we had fourteen years together. My kids don't say anything, but I can see how worried they are. They don't know the details, of course, but they know things are bad between Shelly and me. If I divorce her, do I tell 'em what their mother did? And do I lose my kids if I divorce? Mom says that a good lawyer can take the kids away from her because of what she did, but I don't know … "

"Yeah, you have a lot to consider. What do you really want? If you could just snap your fingers and get it, what would you wish?"

"I'd wish she never met Jarrod. That she hadn't gotten involved with him."

"Uh-huh. But since you can't change the past, how would you change the future? Again, what it is that you truly want?"

"I want this to be over. I want my wife to love me. I want peace and trust and security. I want what I thought we had but turns out we didn't … "

More from YourTango: He Cheated; Should We Get Divorced?

I could put a name to the man in the conversation above. Actually, hundreds of them. If you prefer, I could change the pronouns and provide hundreds of women's names instead.

More infidelity advice from YourTango:

Want more expert advice?

Article contributed by

View profile

Advanced Member

Joe Beam

Author

Joe Beam is an internationally respected marriage and relationship expert. He founded Beam Research Center, an organization that provides marriage help to hurting couples through a powerful workshop called Marriage Helper 911. For more information, click here.

Location: Franklin, TN

Credentials: Other

Lover or Spouse - Who Should I Choose?

By Joe Beam

“I’ve never loved anyone the way I love her. I never knew I could feel like this. So deep. Fulfilling. Amazing. I can tell her anything; my dreams, my fears, my strengths, my flaws.” John spoke slowly but fervently as he explained his relationship with Sheila . It was not his idea to visit with me; he had come because another friend asked him ... Read more

He Cheated; Should We Get Divorced?

By Joe Beam

Since 1994, I have worked with thousands of marriages affected by infidelity. Sometimes the straying spouse is emotionally enmeshed with her paramour and intends never to return. Other times, the unfaithful mate feels remorse and asks for forgiveness and reconciliation. When that occurs, the hurting partner often struggles with deciding whether to divorce or ... Read more

5 Tips To Laying The Foundation For A Strong Marriage

By Joe Beam

Many a movie has presented the scene; the man gets on his knee, and asks "Will you marry me?" Often when a man decides to propose marriage, great care is given to the proposal. Sometimes it happens in a special place (restaurant; romantic view, or at a special time (holiday; anniversary of some special event). When he finally says those words, ... Read more