Married But In Love With Someone Else

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Married But In Love With Someone Else
You might not have been searching for a lover but now you feel like you want to leave your marriage.

Each possibility carries consequences. Short-term consequences and long-term consequences. If you choose short-term, you may decide to end your marriage for your lover. The intensity of your present emotions may make that the choice that seems most likely to make you happy. However, there are long-term consequences that will come with that choice. Consequences involving your family, your children, your friends, your religion, your personal beliefs and values, and your spouse. If you think that being with your lover more than makes up for any difficulties in these areas, you aren’t alone. Nearly everyone who makes that decision figures that because of the deep love they now feel, everything balances out in the end.

Unfortunately, it rarely, if ever, turns out that way.

 

Your emotions are intense now, but they won’t be forever. Within a couple years, if not before, you’ll discover that the Cinderella or Price Charming you’re in love with isn’t quite as wonderful as you think. In the ecstasy of new love people overlook flaws, quirks, and problems in the other. When that emotions evolves, as it must and will, you’ll start to be bothered by things that never bothered you before. You will discover that Cinderella and Prince Charming exist only in fairytales. All the rest of us are flawed and at time hard to live with.

Repeatedly those who left their spouses for a remarkable love come to me after a few years and say they wish they could do it all over again. This time they wouldn’t abandon their marriage but would figure a way to work out their problems. They wouldn’t expect their children NOT to be negatively affected by the divorce. They would look deeper into their hearts to see that their beliefs and values are part of their very identity and realize that to live in contradiction to them would lead them to become someone quite different than they were. They would admit that there is never a "happily ever after" and that leaving one relationship for another is trading one set of problems for another.

In short, they would have stayed in the first marriage and done all they could to make it work.

MAKE THE RIGHT DECISION

Though logic doesn’t reign for you at the moment, take one quick moment to see past the feelings into your future. What do you honestly, at the deepest level of your being, expect it to be ten years from now if you abandon your marriage, maybe destroy another in the process (if your lover is married), and violate your core beliefs?

Happy?

Not likely. Happiness comes from doing the right thing; not the selfish thing.

If you wish to learn how to overcome the deep emotion you currently feel for your lover and find the way to have a fulfilling marriage with the person your mate, I can help. While I cannot guarantee success, my percentage over the last decade is more than 75%. We’ll do all we can to help you have the best future, full of love…not regret.

Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Joe Beam

Author

Joe Beam is an internationally respected marriage and relationship expert. He founded Beam Research Center, an organization that provides marriage help to hurting couples through a powerful workshop called Marriage Helper 911. For more information, click here.

Location: Franklin, TN
Credentials: Other
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