I have three children and I love them all. I did not take some love away from one to give love to another. Love is love. It is not measured by more or less, strong or weak, wide or narrow; it just is.
Therefore, each of my men get to have their own love too. The love I have for my early husband is his love. I do not take it away to give to another; it doesn't go away because I cannot touch him and it doesn't fade.
My love for him is what I make of him and my other guy gets his own love too, which does not lessen because I miss my husband, celebrate him, talk about him,or even when I feel the essence of him close to me. There is no hole in my heart where my husband's love was and it's not broken either because he's still there!
At http://www.widowfindsloveagain.com/ we grow beyond the misconceptions in our minds that are holding us back from living and loving. It's by challenging these thoughts that keep us in the choice of living.
Let's get real; if I have a "hole in my heart," even if just a belief, then I'm dead or dying. There is no hole where my husband was, it just feels like a hole because this is what immense pain feels like. He is still in my heart because I choose to live.
I searched high and low for the answers to this particular confusion. Google couldn't give me anyhelp, books couldn't give me any help and even counselors could only help me as much as I could let them. But when I started listening to the voice inside my soul instead of the one in my head, I finally realized that loving two men at the same time is not only possible but also probable. If, however, that soul's not so sexy yet, you'll find your mind spinning out of control, stuck on the spin cycle and creating a tangled mess.
Confusion only happens when we are denying what we know is true or when we let the opinions of others interfere with what feels good and right to us. It's easy to listen to other's opinions, concerns or judgments of us and even easier to listen to those lies we make up about what others think or feel — but they are rarely, if ever, the full truth.