Widowed & Dating: How I Learned To Love 2 Men


Widowed & Dating: How I Learned To Love 2 Men [EXPERT]
Is the loss of your first love holding you back?
When my husband died, my love for him remained, but I also learned to love anew.

There's no doubt about it — dating after the death of your husband is confusing. Fortunately, confusion is only temporary.

There were times I found myself crying on my new guy's shoulder because my husband wasn't there and I missed him terribly. Confusing for me? Yes, but also for him. I don't know what he must have thought, time and time again, as he watched me cry, knowing he couldn't take that pain away.

More from YourTango: The Ricki Lake Show and 3 Promises

Then, there's the fact that if my husband were here, I wouldn't be crying on his shoulder in the first place. I wouldn't be with him at all. And I sensed what a struggle that was for him, consoling me with "I'm so sorry he's gone" and at the same time knowing that he wouldn't be with me if he were. Here is this woman he loves sitting right in front of him crying over another man!

The beauty is he understands that my love didn't die with my husband ... but that's exactly where my confusion comes in. I remember the moment I became consciously aware that I was in love with two men at the same time. I felt ashamed and contemplated my guilt with a stream of questions to help rationalize it all: How can I love two men at the same time? Is this even possible? Is this wrong? Is this really love or is it just sex and a warm body? What will people think? Am I bad? I don't even know what to call this. Is there a name for this?

I knew that the thoughts in my head were going to get me nowhere fast. One by one, I began to answer my questions. So, is it really possible to love 2 men at the same time?

More from YourTango: Every Choice You Make Has An Impact

Well, I'm feeling it, so it must be possible, right? Well, almost. We can tell our minds a lot of crap that we want to believe because it satisfies us in some way even if it keeps us "LAQing." I had to dig deeper.

More dating tips from Yourtango Experts:

Share this with someone you love (or even like a lot)!

Let's make it
FB official
Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Jodie Rodenbaugh

Personal Development Coach

Jodie Rodenbaugh

Location: Kansas City, MO
Credentials: CPC, MA
Specialties: Empowering Women, Holistic Coach, Stress Management
Other Articles/News by Jodie Rodenbaugh:

The Ricki Lake Show and 3 Promises


November 11th 2008 was the day I died with my 37 year old husband who was accidently killed by a local block prior to a routine shoulder surgery.  I was 15 weeks pregnant with our third child and left completely striped and naked of everything I once knew.  Out of body, I looked down at my lifeless body holding my pregnant belly and I felt a love ... Read more

Every Choice You Make Has An Impact


The decision I made the day my husband was killed changed the way I see every decision I make today.   I've made some really big decisions in my life but none have had more of an impact in my life than the three words -“I love you”. My husband was one of those happy people you have a love hate relationship ... Read more

3 Little Steps To Let Go Of Balance


For most of my life I have been one of those powerful women types that could do it all, be it all, and have it all.  I thought I could balance and manage everything but what I didn’t yet know was life was not a game of balance to be won when we finally get an even scale. When people come to me looking for balance I loving let them know they will ... Read more

See More

Recent Expert Posts
Cooking Together

6 More Eco-Conscious Ideas For A Better World And A Better You

Here are six tips on how you can have sex more consciously and also be kind to the environment.

Family With 2 Young Kids

What Wise Parents Know About Raising Successful Children

What are we teaching our children when we focus on their achievements rather than their kindness?

Girl Decorates Easter Eggs

"Love is the bridge between you and everything" Rumi

Love is all around us, if we allow yourselves to see it.

Ask The Experts

Have a dating or relationship question?
Visit Ask YourTango and let our experts and community answer.

How to find the right pro for you
10 Reasons Mental Health Pros Should Join YourTango Experts

10 Reasons Mental Health Pros Should Join YourTango Experts

YourTango Experts can help your business go from good to great.

10 Steps To Improve Your Coaching Business

Take your coaching business from mediocre to great in no time…

Frequently Asked Questions About YourTango Experts

Thinking of joining? Here's all the facts you need to know to make the most of your membership.

Getting Your Guy To Join You In A Therapy Or Coaching Session

So how can your get your strong, self-reliant, superman to talk to an Expert with you?

Therapist/Counselors: Who We Are & What We Do

What exactly does a therapist/counselor do and can they really help?

See more resources>