You know how your friends always say they "saw it coming"?
Are you surprised that suddenly the relationship you thought would last is now falling to pieces? Sometimes it all looks so good in the beginning, but when your relationship starts to unravel for seemingly no reason, you have to stop and think, "why is this happening to me?"
Take a look at these 8 reasons why your relationship took a turn for the worst, and figure out what you can do next time to prevent this from happening again:
1. You started off hot and fast
A fire that burns too hot will burn out fast — the same often goes for the romance that runs on speed dial. If you both fell hard into a heavy and heated relationship without even thinking about taking it slowly, it may have put you at risk for failure. The foundation of true connection can't come in a matter of an instant — a good relationship takes time to develop.
2. You mistook your "OK" relationship for a dream come true
If you start hearing yourself say your new love is perfect, it’s time for your fairy godmother to wave her magic wand and wake you up from your dream. We all have flaws, and it’s better to wake up to that fact early in your relationship before you get a dog, house and kid together. Some flaws you can live with, some you can’t.
3. You didn't really know the real person you were dating
It typically takes about six months for a person to let their guard down and take the mask of social charm off — only then will you see the real person hidden beneath it. After it's off, the character flaws and personality quirks show up, and the true nature of your partner makes its appearance. At that point, it's time for you to decide if you want to stick it out or move on.
4. You didn't realize he had baggage
Once you start dating someone new, you might find things hiding in the closet that will haunt you throughout your relationship. These are the ghosts of unresolved emotional baggage (i.e. a traumatic past relationship, childhood issues) that stick around. Seriously consider your limits and decide whether or not this relationship is one you can carry on.
5. You lost the romance
He was so romantic in the beginning — he hosted candlelit dinners and brought you chocolates when you were sick — but now his idea of romance is spending the evening on the couch with the remote in hand. Oh, and he wants to order pizza so he doesn't have to stand up. You get the picture. The romance flew out the door, along with your relationship.
6. You found out he's a filthy liar
No, you aren’t going crazy or hearing voices in your head — you know lying when you hear it. Lies are like rats and cockroaches; once you see one, you know there are more hiding in the nooks and crannies. Lying is usually the hallmark of deeper character flaws, and there's really no getting that trust back into a relationship that was based on lies. Take my word for it and put out the rat poison. You don’t want this in your life.
7. You discovered your emotions are completely incompatible
It looked so enticing and exciting while standing on the edge of your own universe looking in. But, once you stepped inside, you found yourself in an emotional black hole.
Everyone has his or her emotional set point. An emotional set point can range from someone who gets hysterical and over-the-top passionate, to someone who is deadpan and unreactive. You can live life on the edge or hiding under the covers, but the choice is yours. Do you really want to go there? You should accept that their emotional "set point" is pretty much set in stone and save yourself the grief of trying to spark them up or settle them down.
8. You suddenly became a "work in progress"
All of the sudden, out of nowhere, you get blindsided by the new “boss” in your life. This is where you are presented the “relationship manual” that gives you instructions on how to live your life, what friends you can and can’t have, and the general policies and procedures for how to change to better yourself. All for your own good, of course! If critical and controlling attitudes step up to take charge of you and your life, how long will it take for you to realize that this isn’t the job you applied for? These “jobs” rarely get better, they only get worse, so consider handing in your notice.
Joan Jerkovich is a Board Certified Life Coach who hosts "The Joan Jerkovich Show" on AM talk radio where she coaches her callers on every topic imaginable. Click Here to listen to her Podcasts, be a caller on her show, or buy her "Life Coaching Insights" book series and Inspirational Posters!
This article was originally published at http://joanjerkovich.com/2014/06/30/failed-relationships/. Reprinted with permission from the author.