Come On Baby, Light My Fire!


Come On Baby, Light My Fire!
Transform your relationship from dysfunctional to loving and lasting.

The proverbial question that keeps popping up is “How can I keep the passion in my relationship?  The answer is simple:  You can't.  Love changes as time moves on, so relax.  That doesn't mean that love has ended.  It only means that it has entered a new phase.  Love can actually grow in other ways that produce the chemical called Oxytocin, instead of that original Dopamine high that took your breath away in the beginning of your relationship.  Oxytocin can provide the warm fuzzies and the feelings of caring that come after the honeymoon stage. This is the stage where “after the lovin’” happens. If understood and appreciated, your relationship can take on new feelings that are very satisfying.

     There's a dip that occurs in all long term relationships because we were tricked by nature.  Nature meant for us to make more of us, so when we no longer need babies, the fire that once prompted that outcome, tends to diminish over time.  So we need to trick ourselves into other ways of keeping the passion. Creating romance by using your imagination, fantasies and communication can foster those old feelings. 

     What we know is that relationships grow and evolve as we do.  Too often people can grow apart.  It’s the second stage of the relationship that becomes the most vulnerable, sometime after the honeymoon is over.  This is the time when the boundaries bounce back up and each person has to learn how to negotiate the differences.  This is the time that most divorces occur.  It’s not too unlike the second stage of development in life: “the terrible twos.” The idea is to grow together, closer and stronger.  You may have many partners, husbands and wives in the same relationship as time moves on; each better and more mature than the one before. Relationships tend to deepen in intimacy as time passes; not too unlike wine. Time can either create richer, more fulfilling, and meaningful relationships if the time spent with one another, nourishes the soul of each other, or it can become fermented and spoiled over time if it is left unattended. It is our responsibility to see that we nurture and tend to our relationship as one would a vineyard or a garden.  We need to learn the language of our partner, see him/her with a new set of warm eyes beneath their survival self.  Underneath each of our survival selves lives the authentic self and when two people are in their essence, time is eternal.  Only then are we able to see the other for who they really are and what they really need and want. 

Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Joan Childs

Marriage/Couples Counselor

"The highest compliment I can receive is the referral of your friends, family and business associates. Thank you for your confidence and trust!"

Joan E Childs

Location: Hallandale, FL
Credentials: LCSW
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