Can I Really Stay Friends With My Ex? Finally, A Straight Answer!

By

Can I Really Stay Friends With My Ex? Finally, A Straight Answer!
Are you putting your current relationship at risk if you don't break ties with a former partner?

Dear Fearless Love,

I am still friends with my ex, but my current boyfriend has an issue with this. We are just friends, but he feels uncomfortable about us still hanging out together. What am I obligated to do here? Do we break up or am I forced to give up the friendship even though we've known each other a very long time?
-Cindee

Dear Cindee,

I am assuming that your ex is your ex-husband. It is said that a divorce is 20% legal and 80% emotional. In order to be emotionally available for your next relationship, it is important to let go of the emotional ties, dependencies and attachments of your past relationship. This is very hard to do this, as it requires complete mourning, aka death, of the relationship: what it was, what it wasn't and what it will never be. If you feel that you have already gone through all of the stages of grief: Denial/Isolation, Bargaining, Anger, Depression and Acceptance and now have reestablished a new relationship with your ex but it is getting in the way of your new love, you may want to consider which of these relationships is the most important. Do you want to hold on to the past relationship, which is safe and predictable? Do you want to embrace a new relationship and its uncertainties? Examining your answers to these questions may help you to determine how to approach each of them. Ultimately, it is important for you to have clarity about what it is you really want for yourself and to make sure you are truly honoring the relationships you are in. 

If you have any questions for Jianny, email her at jianny@fearlesslove.net or speak with her personally at 954-495-4566.

This article was originally published at fearlesslove.net. Reprinted with permission.

More How To Move On advice on YourTango:

Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Jianny Adamo

Counselor/Therapist

Jianny Adamo, LMHC, LPC, NCC

Licensed Psychotherapist & Relationship Coach

www.fearlesslove.net

954-495-4566

Location: Delray Beach, FL
Credentials: LMHC, LPC, MA, NCC
Specialties: Communication Problems, Couples/Marital Issues, Dating/Being Single Support, Marriage, Spiritual
Other Articles/News by Jianny Adamo:

Negativity Ruining Your Relationship? Try These 4 Things ASAP

By

Dear FearLess Love, I tend to find something negative to say about most things and greet most of my husband's ideas with negativity. It drains me and depresses my husband. I know I need to have more gratitude and see the good in life. When my husband points out my complaining, I typically tell him that I just see things as they really are, and then he ... Read more

Never Married-Over 40 A Red Flag?!

By

Dear FearLess Love, I met a woman the other day who referred to me as a "red flag" – that is someone she shouldn’t date. And why? Because I’m in my late forties and have never married. She said I would be a “better risk” if I was “at least “divorced? Ouch! What do you think? I’ve spent a lot of time ... Read more

Rethinking Re-Marriage?

By

Dear FearLess Love, I'm 41. I have been together with my girlfriend for two years and everything is great. We've talked about getting married, but I'm not sure that is the best route for me. She understood, at the beginning, that I was not interested in getting married again, but there might be a time in the future when I would possibly ... Read more

See More

PARTNER POSTS
Latest Expert Videos
ASK YOURTANGO MORE QUESTIONS
Most Popular