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The 8 Best Strategies For Coping With Divorce (So You Can Get Back To Normal)

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coping with divorce
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Your divorce happened. Now you need to move on.

Divorce?

What do you mean divorce? My marriage could never possibly end in divorce.

After all, I work hard to be my best self and offer my best in a relationship. On top of that, I’ve carefully selected the man of my dreams. He’s Mr. Right we’re just perfect for one another. What could possibly come between us that we couldn’t work out?

Do any of these statements sound familiar?

They likely do, if you're anything like me.

I always wanted to believe that I would only have one ‘go around’ in marriage and that it would be forever. I wanted to believe that what we had could never fall apart and that we'd never be part of the nearly 50% of unions that don't survive.

Maybe I was naive or living in my own fairy tale world, but my marriage didn’t last ... and it was devastating.

I was left with an overwhelming sense of loss, guilt, and feelings of grief.

Despite the fact that we tried to have an amicable or even happy divorce, it was just not possible.

We had too many raw emotions, feelings of betrayal and hurt feelings. It was a mess that turned my life upside down and some days I don’t know how I got through without the use of some questionable substances.

If you’ve dealt with or are currently dealing with a similar situation, please know that there is hope and you’ll eventually be able to move on are rebuild your life.

 

In the mean time, I have eight thoughts and/or bits of advice on how to cope with divorce.

1. Know that it’s OK to grieve.

Even with all the sharing that goes on online, I think many of us still try to just suck it up when it comes to our feelings.

There’s nothing to be ashamed of.

You just got out of what you thought was a life-long commitment. It’s not going to be easy, especially if you were together for years.

I’m here to tell you that everyone grieves to one degree or anotherThe more you try to push it to side, the worse you’ll feel.

So go ahead and cry, get angry and anything else you need to feel. Until you deal with those emotions, you won’t be able to cope with your divorce at all.

 

2. Let go of the blame game.

Regardless of who is seemingly at fault, what’s done is done. You're divorced and it’s time to let go and quit wasting your precious emotional energy placing blame.

Sadly, it’s usually women who tend to hang on to blame and anger.

Remember this — no matter what happened, your ex is blaming you and vice versa. You could let yourself stay in this endless cycle of blaming yourself or your ex-spouse — or you could just be glad it’s over.

3. Accept the roller-coaster ride.

Dealing with divorce and the feelings that follow will create a lot of ups and downs in your world.

While I can’t tell you specifically the feelings to anticipate and when, it's important to be prepared to have your good days and bad days when you're coping with divorce.

One day you might feel happy that you’re single and the next day you may feel so depressed you don’t want to get up.

The good news is you can overcome it and those bad days become fewer and farther between.

 

4. Realize that if you lose some friends, it's all going to be OK in the end.

It is inevitable! By default, you’ll meet people he knows whom you hit it off with and end up becoming friends with.

But after any breakup, you’ll lose some of those same friends. Sadly, once you break up you’ll lose those who side with him.

Still, it is not the end of the world.

You will gain a few of his and be able to count on your own and eventually make new friends too. Just hang in there doll!

 

5. Understand that seeking professional counseling is nothing to be ashamed of.

When you keep everything inside, you run the risk of serious depression.

Remember what I said about dealing with your grief?

You can’t just bottle it up and hope for the best. Hiring a professional to help you sort out your feelings is not only ok; it should be a no brainer.

Too often friends and family will give you unsolicited advice and add their own emotions into the mix. Sure, They may have your best interest in mind, but often it is not so helpful.

Give yourself permission to seek professional counseling from an unbiased and season professional who can be objective.

 

6. Listen for your new hobbies calling.

In a perfect world, we’d all have time to sit around for weeks and re-hash the marriage, what went wrong and grieve over our losses.

Look around: we don’t live in a perfect world and we all have to deal with our emotions in one way or another.

Take it from a girl who knows about taking the high road and finding positive and constructive ways to deal with your pain. One of the reasons I started blogging and eventually coaching clients was as a result of a divorce followed by a series of other catastrophic events.

In the end, it got me through a very difficult time and paved the way for a new beginning and my work in the coaching women.

 

7. Start journaling.

Oh boy! If I had a dollar for every time I was told to journal and then subsequently blew off the idea, I would have stopped taking new clients a long time ago.

I thought it was a waste of time until I actually put my heart and soul into it.

These days, I journal every day and insist that clients do the same. There is something very powerful about getting your feelings, thought and frailties on paper where you can see them in front of you.

This helped me through the many difficult times in my life and I want to encourage you to journal about not only how you feel today, but also about how you intend to live your life in the future.

 

8. Don't fall for bad advice or numb your pain.

I guarantee you’ll have everyone you know coming out of the woodwork in an attempt to be supportive. They will offer their advice and tell you what they think you should do (based on their own experiences of course).

Unsolicited advice is just that, and you need to consider the source and cherry pick whom you actually listen to.

However, I would strongly advise that you not self-medicate. Sure, drugs and/or alcohol may help you cope with your divorce or any other situation on an acute and short-term basis. But the long-term effects of chemical dependency are negative and can be life-consuming, to say the least.

If you do choose to self-medicate in any way, you’ll likely end up in worse shape up then you started and have to battle chemical dependency for the rest of your life.

 

Remember that divorce happens and regardless of the circumstances, getting back to your best and most harmonious self as quickly as possible is the key to overcoming any negative circumstances.

Keep in mind that life is too short to waste your valuable emotional and physical energy on anything other than creating your best self.

At the end of the day, you're better off alone than in a marriage (or relationship) that dulls your magnificent shine or makes you question your greatness!

From a gal who knows, I say, move forward with pride, self-love, and ferocity!

 

Jess Brighton is a Life, Adversity and Reinvention Coach, and welcomes questions about divorce or any other topic you may be struggling with. Email Jess or visit her website, www.jessicabrighton.com to schedule a 30-minute strategy session to help you get back to a better place in the world. 

 

 

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