Expert Blog Compelling advice, stories, and thought-provoking perspectives straight from YourTango's lineup of Experts to you

Getting Naked Again


Getting naked again after a breakup includes creating pleasure recipes for self love

“When you are ready” the text from my Divorce Doula chimes today bringing up a photo of the cover of Getting Naked Again: Dating, Romance, Sex, and Love When You’ve Been Divorced, Widowed, Dumped, or Distracted by Judith sils, PhD.

Getting naked again for someone who has traveled the dark journey into the underworld of relationship loss can be a bit like being Persephone returning the spring. The strange sensations of innocence lost during the dying season of the winter of our relationships still leaves its scars upon our landscape while promising a kind of virgin newness at the approach of the thaw as we return to the over-world of real people, dating and ummm…sex.

In my case the idea currently is less about getting naked with someone else and more about discovering what really and truly pleasures ME. Having been in partnership for the two decades of my life that are most exploratory in matters of pleasure my palette geared not only to a one course meal but also to specifically focusing on the needs of another being without selfishly or single-mindedly getting to explore my own. So this is how I discovered one of the unexpected treasures of being single for the first time again.

Entries from my Pleasure Recipe Book For Self Love:

Summer Surrender
1 sunset
2 dogs at my feet
6 wind chimes
1 overstuffed deck chair
Dash of Carla Bruni on the ipod
1 cup of white wine
Instructions: Sit, stir, pet, relax, surrender

Peach Passion Palisade
Crate of 50 tree ripened Peaches from world-renowned Palisade, CO
1 best friend
A car and 4 days (two states away from ex)

Drive for 4 days through the Rocky Mountains to the Alter to the Gods and hydrate eating peaches every few minutes or so. Whenever hunger, thirst or passion strikes, eat a peach.

Bubble and Boil Tuesday
A towel
One Bubbly friend
One pass to the Common Grounds Hot Tubs

Make the bad news sleep till noon by starting with an 11:00 a.m. soaking pool session with said bubbly friend. Bubbly friend will over shadow the fears you have about getting your naked ass out in front of people as long as you just keep listening and soon your body will merge with the rest of the nakedness in the pools.

Pleasure Smoothie
1 pass to Massage Envy
M the psychic LMT
A dash of bravery and a hint of curiousity
Several squeezes of lemongrass lotion
Massage for 90 minutes to 2 hours
Follow up with an almond smoothie shake

This last recipe is the one that’s captivating me the most these days. Partly because it’s my first step towards getting naked with another person in the vicinity that also includes physical contact.

To hear a man whisper in your ear How Much Pleasure Can You Stand? as you lay willing and naked before him is a considerably delicious recipe for most women but in in this case, it’s made all the more pleasurable by the sheer receptivity of the dynamic. I’m not required to think of him at all but for 90 glorious minutes of massage I can contemplate this question. How much pleasure CAN I stand? Suggested 2 hours if possible.

This article was originally published at My divorce doula blog. Reprinted with permission from the author.


Explore YourTango