It is a common problem for both sexes these days, after all you do need that physical attraction in order to sustain a relationship, but the problem is most stifling for women because we often become attracted to men that we get to know. We fall for friends and co-workers because when we can factor in their great sense of humor, charming personality, or witty intellect and they just somehow get cuter. Attraction for us can grow, and in some cases it can sprout like a weed. Therefore, when we decide who we will or will not converse with solely based on appearance, we are actually preventing ourselves from meeting men that we very well could become attracted to and fall in love with.
With online dating the problem is pervasive. Because it’s hard to sense someone’s personality and character through just a few words, you aren’t able to factor in any substantial qualities, and so you simply end up judging each person strictly on looks. When you judge men on just their physical appearance and nothing else, you end up only attracted to the top 2%- which is an extremely small pool to fish from.
Before I gave Megan and Mallory my diagnosis, I wanted to check out their online conversations to confirm my suspicion. When we got back to their apartment and hopped online, the proof was in their profiles. They both had a slew of potential prospects winking and e-mailing them, but both Megan and Mallory only responded to a very select few. They were prejudging every man in their line of sight, from the color of their hair, down to the style of their shoes, and anyone who did not possess the right look, height, or income, was promptly passed over.
When I gave Megan and Mallory my assessment of them, I expectedly received pushback.
“I don’t think what we are doing is prejudging. I think we are just looking for someone we find attractive. Unfortunately, there just aren’t many men out there that are fitting the criteria,” Megan stated.
I pointed out to Megan that she is so picky that she wouldn’t speak to one guy because he had facial hair. Facial hair that could have easily been shaved off.
“I just know within thirty seconds who I am going to be attracted to,” Megan stated. “If the spark is not there at the beginning, it’s not ever going to be there. And I’m not going to settle for less than what I want.”
I looked at Mallory, who was still processing the information.
“I guess I see your point,” she said. “I know that in the past I have developed attraction for some of my guy friends after getting to know them because they were super smart or funny. I think what you are telling us is that we have to give more people a chance to see if some of their other qualities override physical attributes we may not be fond of right away?”
“Exactly. You have to put more stock into other characteristics. Humor, intelligence, and integrity are all very attractive qualities that really add to someone’s appeal. You aren’t able to see these things with the naked eye. You have to get to know someone first, and that means giving men who maybe aren’t exactly your type physically, a chance to show you how hot they are in other ways,” I told them.