Are You Afraid Of Ending Up Alone?


faceless woman holding cat on lap
Don't end up a cat lady.
Why your own anxiety creates a self-fulfilling prophecy and how to reverse it.

Fear of ending up alone is nothing more than a mind-created daydream, but dwell on it enough and you may very well fulfill your prophecy. Staying present is the only way to combat this or any fear. Worrying about what may or may not happen, only distances you further and further from getting what you want.

Be extremely conscious when your thoughts automatically drift to the future and reel them back in by paying acute attention to what is happening all around you and, more importantly, within you. Live only in the now and you will see how your anxiety subsides.

More from YourTango: Still Looking For Mr. Right? You Probably Walked Right Past Him.

2. Fight fear with love. To quote another great man, Pope John Paul II, "The opposite of love is not hate; it's use." Using people is the opposite of loving them. Using a man for the purpose of fulfilling your life is not loving him.

Men can feel your intentions. They know when you are in a state that wants to get something out of them.

Maybe you want love; maybe you want security; maybe you want to boost your self-esteem; or maybe you just want him to pay off your credit card. Whatever it is, the wanting to use him for something selfish is enough to prevent anyone from falling in love with you. Just as you have heard the term "like attracts like," it is also true that love attracts love. You must be in a total loving state to draw in a man and have him love you.

To be in a loving state and put your fear to rest, stop thinking about what you want and start thinking about what you can give and contribute ... not just to a guy, but to everyone you come in contact with.

Giving does not take much time or any money. You can start today. You can give with a smile, a compliment or even a hug.

When you give, you are in a complete state of love and presence. And when you are in that state, you will be happier and more peaceful, which will translate into confidence. This is one of the key ways to ensure that you find your partner in life and stay with him forever once you do.

3. Fight fear with gratitude. Instead of walking around in a state of wanting, which fuels the fear of not receiving and inevitably makes you look desperate, think of all the things you have in life that you are grateful for. Focus on what you do have, instead of what you don't. Most of us have much more than we even need, yet we spend so much time on the very few things we don't have yet.

If you can practice gratitude and learn to make it your natural state of mind, your inner-self will stop craving a relationship and thus, you won't appear so needy to the opposite sex. Spend a few minutes each morning meditating on all you are grateful for: your health, your family, your friends, even your job.

Appreciate the little things you often overlook or take for granted. Once you make gratitude a daily practice, you will see how fear disappears from your mind and is replaced by intense joy ... joy that is irresistible to everyone — especially men.

More from YourTango: Top 10 Self-Help Books About Love

For more advice on how to find love, check out my new book, Was It Something I Said?: The answer to all your dating dilemmas. Or visit my blog.

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