10 Dos & Don'ts For Planning Your Next Date

By Jeremi McManus, MFT. Posted on Feb 20th 2013.

Win your date over with these fool-proof tips!

Do:

1. Have a loose plan. Have a plan for the date gentlemen and hold loosely to it in case of rain, she could express a strong dislike for what you have planned —e.g. "I'm allergic to the smell of coffee," so you compromise for the teahouse instead — or something unexpected happens.

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2. Be nice to your servers. Smile at your barista, server, ticket collector or whoever you come across on your date. Starbucks employees need love too and you are giving your date a sense of how you might treat them once the honeymoon phase has worn off.

3. Be chivalrous. Get the door fellas, buy her coffee and let her go in front of you (chivalry is not dead!). Ladies, see if you can receive his kind gestures as it is a great place to begin building a connection with one another.

4. Show your soft side. Practice vulnerability without oversharing, as this creates connection with your date without scaring them off. On initial dates you can practice vulnerability (Brene Brown's the Power of Vulnerability on Youtube has more) by sharing how you feel about your family moving from San Francisco to NYC but not necessarily that they did it because of your mom's terminal Leukemia and the stress it put on your parents' marriage.

5. Prove that you are interested. Be interested in whatever your date is talking about. Practice good eye contact, a sense of curiosity about what she is saying (e.g. follow-up questions) and make sure your date has about an even amount of time to talk. I'm a resource if you need some practice.

Don't:

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1. Bring up past relationships. Never talk about exes on the first date or two because this typically results in your date comparing her/himself to your ex. If you are saying good things about the ex, your date feels bad; say bad things about the ex and your date will wonder how often they will have to listen to the bitching. Keep reading ...

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Jeremi McManus, MFT

Marriage and Family Therapist

Jeremi McManus, MFT began working as a Coach in 2003 where he discovered his passion for cultivating happy, healthy, and satisfying relationships. His own struggles in making sense of dating and relationships were certainly instrumental in leading him into Coaching, and eventually to enter a Master’s in Counseling program in 2006. Jeremi particularly draws on the modalities of Attachment Theory and Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) in collaborating with individuals and couples to gain a richer, fuller understanding of themselves and one another. His work with clients is strength-based, relational, compassionate and often draws from his own practice of mindfulness.

www.sfrelationshipcoaching.com

Location: San Francisco, CA

Credentials: MFT, MS

Website: http://www.sfrelationshipcoaching.com

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