7 Keys Women Need For Dating
By Jeremi McManus. Posted on .
[Interview by Vitra Singh for Diva Gossip]
Doing dating right can be a challenge for men and women who just want to meet “the right one.” Diving in haphazardly without stopping to think about what you are looking for, qualities that are essential, and how to bring up some tough talk can hurt more than help.
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Male Dating & Relationship coach, Jeremi McManus, gave me an in-depth perspective into the psychology of dating, and I, thus, share with you. Here is the start of our interview in Q&A format to ensure you don’t miss a thing!
Vitra: What’s the biggest dating mistakes women tend to make?
McManus: The biggest thing for women, which is also one of the biggest things for men, is missing out on opportunity. An example of that is hyper-selectivity because many times we limit ourselves to what we are looking for in a partner and mate. As a result, people end up with a very small pool of eligible-ness. We might get online and click all the things to filter out people you think might not be a good fit. Also, seeing a picture and saying they don’t look like a fit, looking at an online profile and seeing a grammatical error and thinking he’s not well educated.
What happens socially is usually the total opposite of that. You meet someone socially and you think they are really cool. Hyper-selectivity often gets in the way of us taking advantage of opportunities.
One of the biggest things I talk about with the clients I work with is taking the Yes stance or the open stance – give it a shot. Go to mixers, speed dating, get introduced, have fun. Go out and get a little bit of practice, because ultimately what we are doing is preparing ourselves for the person we’re going to meet and spend the rest of our lives with.
Vitra: Are there any tips for those who are nervous and feel awkward in social situations?
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Jeremi: On one side there’s the expectation in our culture that the man needs to pursue the woman which isn’t always how it has to play out. But it’s rooted in our old DNA. What that means for men is that it requires them to put themselves out there and take a little more risk in social situations. Anytime you go into a social situation, you are not looking to meet the woman of your dreams, you’re looking to do some practice, towards what I call “running a marathon” that is often a relationship.
Being in a relationship is incredibly challenging and the dating part of things is the practice that gets us ready for that relationship down the road. So using the marathon analogy, you wouldn’t start with the full race – you would practice with mini races leading up to that. So if someone is socially anxious – that’s a great setting to hire a wing-man, or try to do something less daunting like a mixer. One of my favorite approaches is the situational approach. For instance, if you’re in a coffee shop you might say “They have really good coffee here, what are you drinking?” or “It’s a gorgeous day out, how’s your Wednesday going so far?,” so you’re really connecting with the person.
