Begin paying attention, take accountability, and becoming gently curious about your relationship. If you think of your relationship like a garden, what is planted there? What do you water everyday (joy, kindness, respect, annoyance, resentment, etc)? What do you wish was planted but have not actually made time to plant? Get conscious about what you want and start noticing what you are doing to make it happen (or not happen).
If you are attuned but finding the music...well, rather unsavory. Then ask for help. Find a relationship therapist or couples coach and learn how to have the relationship that you desire today.