Open Marriage Is Not A Fad

Why isn't our existence—and popularity—proof enough that there are women in the lead? I don't follow the logic. First the argument is that there are very few women who want open relationships and so they must be a fad or fringe. But then she says there are two women who are leading the charge. What should one conclude from that?

Historically, it's been men who've advocated for polyandry and men who've benefited. "In the ancient world, men were never expected to be faithful," says Squire. And women were severely punished for extra-marital affairs primarily because it threatened patrilineal culture, where the paternity of a child would be in question if the woman strayed. In the last three or four centuries, the Lutheran marriage model of sexual fidelity has become the standard, which has given women a more equal stake in romantic partnerships.

But what about all of the matriarchal societies? Surely it isn't only Western cultures that count in this discussion?

Sure, some women are able to tinker with this arrangement and come out on top, but for many of us there's a sense that this is part of the battle of the sexes we're not winning.

Exactly. Open relationships work for some people, monogamy works for others. This isn't a competition. Not for me anyway.  They both can—and do—work. The decision is about individuality and consciousness and desire. How do you want this world to work? If there's only one way to be have a relationship, how long before we're back to only one "right" religion or one way for the sexes to behave or one way to look?

So if you're feeling like a fuddy-duddy for not wanting two lovers, remember this open relationship thing is a fad, and, as history has shown us, this too shall pass. And while it may seem like non-monogamy is feminism's natural next step, the fact is that women largely prefer one partner, and we enjoy putting time and emotion into our primary relationship. There's not enough reason for us to change our ideas about what makes a satisfying love life, just to get on board with a time-consuming relationship model.

Everyone is allowed their own opinion. This is Cline's and that's fine. But it is imperative that it not be taken as fact, because fact it is not. The truth is that the model of a romantic, monogamous, "you complete me" marriage is little more than a hundred years old. And how old is civilization? Maybe heterosexual, monogamous marriage will end up being the fad in the long run. We don't and can't know. But, regardless, the only thing I advocate for is honesty and respect. Be honest with your partner. Respect the ways others choose to live even if that way might be different from yours. And if you're feeling like a "fuddy-duddy," perhaps it's time to reevaluate your own life, not the lives of others. As my dad always says, "No one ever cares about what we're doing nearly as much as we think we do."