How breakups change you. Going back is not an option.
Breakups are tough. You have all these hopes and dreams built up for a life with this one special person, only to have it all come crumbling down.
Whether you were the "dumpee" or the "dumper", it can still be equally difficult. The very fact of knowing that what the relationship once was is gone forever can cause the heart much grief, despair and ache.
Here are three truths that I have come to realize when healing after a breakup:
The soul must grieve.
Sometimes post-breakup, we are so mad at our ex that all we want to do is be angry at them, expel some rage and move on. Other times, we can find ourselves still holding on to the relationship. We wish and hope that somehow things will magically work themselves out so you both can be together.
Both of these post-breakup reactions are defense mechanisms from avoiding the truth of the matter: Our heart is broken. The reality is that, because our heart is broken, we must be willing to give ourselves the time and space that we need to grieve. We have to allow ourselves to really cry it out and to acknowledge and accept that the hopes and dreams we once had for the relationship are now forever lost for this lifetime.
There is no time-limit on healing.
Just because your breakup was two years ago doesn't mean that you should be completely over it 100 percent — despite what personal beliefs you may have about it or what others have told you.
Relationships are one of the most complicated things in this world. Just because you got over one person within a couple months, doesn't mean that you will get over everyone you date within a couple months. With some people, it can hurt so much more than with another person for various reasons that may forever be a mystery even to ourselves.
Healing from a breakup may take weeks, months or years. Sometimes it may never really fully heal. But the key here is to be self-compassionate and to accept your own unique healing process — regardless of how long it takes.
They will forever be a part of you.
Whether we may like to admit it or not, our ex will forever be a part of us — just as they always have. Deep down, on a more soul level, we have always known them and cared for them. It was simply the process of meeting them in this life that allowed that care to be expressed once again.
They came into our lives to help us learn, grow and become closer to being our true selves in this world — just as we have for them. It is those lessons that continue to live in us today, as they will for all of time.
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