Why does trying so hard in relationships only bring you disappointment?
We all want others to like us. Deep down in our hearts we all want to feel supported, respected and, most importantly, loved. Yet, unfortunately, for many of us this is much easier said then done. We can feel like we always fall short in finding this love that we so desire.
We can feel like we're giving too much and that what we give isn't being reciprocated. We can feel like we are always the one trying in our romantic relationships but that, for some reason, we can't find a partner who will try just as hard. We can find ourselves frustrated, unfulfilled, drained and, deep down, wondering why on earth love is just so darn difficult to find. Why is it that, despite all efforts, love seems to still be just out of reach?
I feel for you — I totally do. Like Pat Benatar sang, "Love is a Battlefield". As much as we don't like it, it really is.
The unfortunate truth of the matter is this: You can't make everyone like you. Just like you also can't force someone to like you......no matter how hard you try. But, I do have some very exciting news: You can make changes in order to make yourself irresistibly attractive. What's the secret, you ask? To really, truly love and have confidence in yourself. To truly believe in yourself and take the time to focus on what's best for you.
Here's the thing: Many of us waste our energy on things that aren't really positively serving us. We worry about whether someone will like us or not. We obsess about a past relationship that didn't work. We go on a first date with this underlying fear of rejection. The trouble is that when we do these things, its like we're allowing holes to be poked into the bottle of our own unique goodness. We allow all these things to suck away our energy, which prevents us from truly standing in our own unique power.
And you know what? It's not very attractive. Other people can feel that energy and they know and feel your fear.
This causes us to do one or both things:
- We attract others to us who are equally as fearful.
- We allow these blocks to hold us back from really creating a fulfilling relationship.
So what can we do to truly love and have more confidence in ourselves so that we can truly be irresistibly attractive?
1. Take care of yourself. Go out and exercise. Eat healthy. Take the time to periodically check-in with your body. If you feel exhausted, then take the time to rest. If you feel energized then make sure you get out there and channel that energy into some great work or work out!
Action step: Check in with your body right now. What is something that could make you feel better right now? A walk along a beach or lake? A nice salt bath? A big plate of steamed veggies? A few minutes of meditation?
2. Do what you love to do. Even though we can't always control avoiding the things that we hate to do, we can find time to do the things that we love to do! If you've always wanted to learn how to paint, then start painting. If you love dancing, then go out dancing!
Action step: Make a list of things that you love to do. These could be things that you already do, things that you used to do but don't do anymore or things that you've always wanted to do but have never done. Pick one or two from the list and find a way to start doing them!
3. Believe in you. Believe that you are capable of really having what your heart desires. Believe that you do truly deserve love. Know that you are good enough.....you are worthy!
Action step: Write down the following affirmation on a notecard: "I deserve love" or "I am worthy of love". Place this notecard in your mirror. Every time you look at it say it to yourself out loud.
Share your experiences below!
Choose at least one of the following action steps listed and do it right away. Share what you have realized or experienced in the comments below!
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This article was originally published at JenniferTwardowski.com. Reprinted with permission from the author.