Politics, Religion, Race… Relationships! These are things you shouldn’t bring up unless you want a heated debate! Well, you can add another topic to that list—submission. Who should lead the way? This can be in terms of decision making, responsibilities, or simply traditional roles.
Men and women everywhere are talking about the pros and cons of being submissive. And usually these conversations are referring to none other than—women. Women who are refusing the “submissive” role and are proclaiming their independence are being attacked just as often as women who are proclaiming the submissive role. But of all of these debates and attacks, how many of us have actually gotten an honest definition of this word? Let’s do that now…
Google Definition: Submissive: Inclined or willing to submit to orders or wishes of others
*(Google definition: submit: To yield or give way).
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So, for the purposes of this blog, a submissive person is willing to yield (i.e. surrender, defer, succumb) to orders or wishes of his/her partner/spouse.
With that said…what do I believe? Would and Healthy Relationship Activist, like myself, take the side of the super-submissive woman or the super-independent woman? My answer: Both…
I do believe that there should always be a leader; one who has the final say while the partner should yield to their recommendation. I firmly believe that the concept of submission makes relationships easier and makes decisions happen a heck of a lot faster. But, here’s the difference in my thinking. I do not necessarily believe that the role of the submitter should be performed by the woman every single time. Period.
Wait! Before you become upset with me…I’ll explain!
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Role playing is the BEST solution to this complex dilemma. If both parties were to play up to their strengths in relationships, no one would feel like they were less valuable, less independent, or less powerful. Here’s how role playing works. Both men and women have strengths, weather they were learned naturally or developed over time. Instead of your gender defining the role you play in your relationship, allow your role to be defined by what you are really good at doing—your strength. And if you are REALLY good at doing something…allow that to be your role, responsibility, or area of final decision making in the relationship. The weaker party then submits. And in other roles where said weaker party is stronger, the roles then reverse. Fair enough, right?
For example, if your partner is phenomenal in finances and budgeting, and you have never kept a budget one day in your life, then why in the world would you be responsible for the family budget—because you are a woman? Allow him to be responsible for this. On the other hand, if your partner is terrible at making key life decisions for the family and you’ve always been a natural strategic thinker and planner, why aren’t you planning for the future—because he’s the man? That’s ludicrous and this way of thinking is what’s leading to downfalls in relationships every single day!