How I Created My Own Singleness!


How I Created My Own Singleness!
24 Empowering Confessions of an EX-Single Black Female.

#08: Trustworthiness—A Sad Ignorance. I wasn’t truthful, I didn’t volunteer information, and I wasn’t consistent. As a matter of fact, I was known for being sneaky. In my mind, the whole truth about any one thing creates hurt and in the end I’d just end up being resentful that I ever opened my mouth—especially about my past. And that was a motto that I stood by…not only with men, but with all relationships. Everything was on a need to know basis. Mostly, he didn’t need to know—at least until he somehow found out.

#07: I Was Selfish. I was told that I was selfish on several occasions, but I always thought that it was said in the heat of an argument. I didn’t think they really meant it. Truth be told, I was pretty selfish! I didn’t have a lot of regard for others and I was usually concerned with myself. I wanted my way. I didn’t spend a lot of time thinking about what was best for the relationship. I didn’t spend time thinking about what my guy was really trying to say when he would tell me no to a request, suggestion, or expectation. Did he know who I was? Truthfully, did I?


#06: Drowning Arguments. I was argumentative, naturally. I was really, really good at making a point, snapping back with sarcastic replies and debating any concept all through the night into the next morning. I could exhaust a man. I truly missed my calling as a lawyer. Ultimately, I spoke so boldly and confidently about my needs and satisfactions that I never heard his…unless it aligned with mine.

#05: Forced Compatibility. I was so keen on getting WHO I wanted that I would get a man first and then try my best to force him to be compatible with me at a deeper level. It doesn’t work that way. I can’t make someone be who I want them to be. I need to first seek compatibility.

#04: My Love Language. How did I need him to demonstrate love to me? What actions was I seeking from him? I didn’t even know. What did I need from him to confirm that he was genuinely involved with me and that he was looking for a future with me? I had no clue! It wasn’t enough for him to say the words, and it wasn’t enough in the way he was currently showing me. I had to figure that out for myself.

#03: I Created a List. He had to be a package. The man in my life had to have all 100 qualities in order to be considered perfect for me. If he didn’t have all of the qualities on my list he didn’t deserve my time. That cleared up my schedule pretty quickly.

#02: Self-Pressure. I call this the soul-mate syndrome. Like so many, I believed that there was only one person on earth for me. So, if I wasn’t pushing away good potential guys, I was griping with life those that I thought were my soul-mate. I was bargaining with God to allow someone to be my soul-mate. The soul-mate syndrome created so much pressure for me. The thought of their ONLY being one perfect person to share your life with is unrealistic. We are all connected at the level of the soul. It’s compatibility that matters. Find someone to which you are compatible. That’s much less pressure.

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