How I Created My Own Singleness!


How I Created My Own Singleness!
24 Empowering Confessions of an EX-Single Black Female.

#15: Expecting Him To Know. I was always disappointed when I realized that my guy wasn’t a mind reader. He couldn’t read my mind to know what I wanted and needed. I would become very angry at the thought of him not knowing when I was upset, needed comfort, needed attention, or anything else. In my eyes, if he didn’t just know, he was plain insensitive. Oh, and I told him that too!

#14: The Back-Up Plan. There was always a plan B. I spent so much time planning plan B (or my escape route or back up relationship) that I didn’t have enough time or attention to devote to my plan A. I would always have another man on standby to comfort me, help me gain clarity…heal me. This other man was always my escape route. I couldn’t imagine feeling the break-up and healing alone. That was unheard of…


#13: I Craved Attention. When in a relationship, I wanted my man to be able to provide all of the attention that I was giving up from all other men…Period! Not only was this unhealthy, but also unrealistic to believe could happen…but for some reason, I gave every guy this responsibility. When he didn’t live up to it—I had to get it elsewhere.

#12: I Sought Temporary Pleasures. The fine dining, fast cars, expensive lifestyles, fast talkers, smooth talkers, great dressers, pretty smiles, lovely physiques, etc. I wanted ALL of it. As his lady, I wanted to outshine what everyone else had. So, I would become mesmerized when someone approached me that had what I was seeking. What I didn’t realize is not one of those qualities would guarantee that he wanted to be in a long term and loyal relationship with me.

#11: I Wasn’t Ready. A man who’s interested in a one-night stand is different from a man who’s interested in a relationship, is different from a man who’s interested in getting married. The higher the level of commitment with him—the higher the level of expectations from him. How dare he ask me to cut off any man I used to date before him? How dare he ask me to change my flirtatious ways when I’m clearly not cheating. How dare he….how dare he. (In reality…how dare I. Isn’t this what I wanted?)

#10: Never Satisfied. My relationship had to be a certain way! It had to be the way that I thought it should look like—the way I learned from the movies, music videos, and magazines. And when my relationship didn’t resemble what I had imagined, I would always think that something was wrong. I would always argue that something was wrong. I was living with an unrealistic mentality that I imposed on him and ultimately he could never possibly live up to. I would push and push until he (and we) became what I wanted the relationship to look like.

#09: Non-Deserving by Design. I eventually began to believe that a good relationship was NOT meant for me. Good men seemed to be deserving of everyone else and not of me. So I began accepting what I had become accustomed to. I had given up on anything more.

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