How I Created My Own Singleness!


How I Created My Own Singleness!
24 Empowering Confessions of an EX-Single Black Female.

#22: Birds of a Feather. I surrounded myself with women who were just like me. Just. Like. Me! So, when I would behave childishly, selfishly, and irresponsibly in my relationship, my “just like me” girlfriends would be there to help justify my behavior. Cause if they didn’t, they couldn’t justify theirs since we were so similar. It made sense to us. I didn’t need a man anyway! And we always reminded each another of this. What are friends for, right?

#21: My Silent Beliefs. Deep down inside, I had two beliefs: (1) He is every man before him (i.e. all men end up being the same and (2) when a man’s back is up against the wall, they will leave (mentally or physically). Both created self-fulfilling prophecies in my life.


#20: I Wanted Who Everyone Wanted For Me. I wanted who commercials told me I should want, who my mother, aunts and cousins wanted (for themselves…and) for me, who my girlfriends wanted (for themselves and) for me. It was no different than completing my degree. I did it because it was what everyone else expected of me. I had such potential in their eyes. Why let them down now?

#19: Advice Chasing. I would get advice from everyone about my relationship—especially my girlfriends. I would talk terribly about my guy to anyone who would listen. I spent more time talking to my friends than I did with my guy—and he was the one I felt wronged by. This also created more drama for my relationship. It’s difficult to make a relationship work with someone that everyone else now despises.

#18: Making Assumptions. I’ve always had a type. A man was either, “my type,” or “not my type.” There was no in between and typically my decision was made before getting to know him. In other words, “my type” had everything to do with what I could see. Anything that I couldn’t see—I assumed. What does that mean anyway…”he’s not my type.”

#17: Playing the Game. I became very good at the hunt and chase. I kept looking for those men who wanted to play games right along with me. It was attractive, it was seductive, it was a rush of adrenaline—for the two months it lasted. What I didn’t know is that you can’t make someone serious, when they came to play games.

#16: Planning for Life. I planned for a relationship the way in which I planned my life. I actually wrote down the year I was going to be married and the year I was going to have children. This caused me to move faster. Stopping to smell the roses was a quote that was not meant for me. I was on a mission. I had a plan. Taking something (such as a relationship) day to day was not for me. I couldn’t just let a relationship happen. No matter how often suggested to me, I couldn’t relax. I had to know up-front where the relationship was headed.

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