Breaking Up? Always Look For The Silver Lining

Everything Comes To An End

The one thing we can be sure of iin life is change. People die. Jobs and careers end. Relationships fall apart. We fall out of love and marriages fail. It seems that endings are coming faster these days than ever before. How can we look at the end of a relationship with an enlightened perspective? In the face of pain and loss, is it possible to focus on the positive?

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Conscious Break-ups

When a relationship ends focus on the positive. Be kind and compassionate. Instead of making disparaging remarks, leave your ex remembering the good in you and in your relationship. The old way of attempting to destroy our ex does not support anyone and just creates bad feelings and karma. Instead, notice the lessons learned from the relationship and send your partner off with your Blessings. Taking the high road is especially beneficial for your children, if you have any. They are afterall part of both of you. Any negative or angry comment you make about your child's parent will hurt the child.  

If you feel anger and resentment look inside, because you are being triggered. If you feel like a victim, you will want to do some introsepction. No one is a victim. It takes two people to tango. Issues within the marriage are rarely one person's fault. If your partner was emotionally unavailable, then perhaps you were also. Relationships mirror what is going on deep inside of you. When you let go of anger and resentment love remains. If you don't get to that place of forgiveness on your own, there are several exercises you can use to help you get there. Staying angry and resentful will translate into other relationships and can cause you health problems. Forgiveness sets you free. Being vindictive and demeaning only makes you both feel badly about your behavior. 

Letting Go

I see more women than men in my practice who vow to never marry again because of how they were treated in their marriage. This vow leads thousands of women to lead lonely lives because they feell "ALL MEN ARE __________" (fill in the blank with whatever behavior that fits. This feeling that all the issues were the other person's fault come from our ego trying to release us from any responsibility. Relationships take two people.

An Ending Is Also A New Beginning

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When a relationship ends, it means our work with that special person is over. We have grown as much as we can together and it is time for us to move in different directions. Staying in a relationship after it is over means neither of you are happy. One or both partners have been compromising values for sometime. It is not possible for one person to be happy while the other is.not. If you examine your deep feelings honestly,  neither of you are happy. When you are honest with yourself you will realize you have been tyring to put a square peg in a round hole. Or there is no common purpose or goals for a future together. Our old ways of being in stale and dying relationships, where we live on auto pilot don't work anymore. The days of Ozzie and Harriot sleeping in separate beds, just does not work long term. 

When Chemistry Dies So Does The Relationship

By virtue of the fact that a relationship involves intimacy and love-making, living in a loveless marriage does not do anybody any good. One person is forced to have an affair or suppress natural desires.