Having experienced my own failed marriages several times, I have had the opportunity to heal the old relationships with ex-husbands and have come to realize over time that they were not the bad guys I thought they were. Once I did the deep personal self healing and began to love myself completely, it is funny how much better they began to look. Our personal issues surface within a relationship. Our partner is a mirror for us of our own issues.
Being mature enough to see our issues is key to recovering enough to be able to have a healthy relationship with anyone whether it is your current partner or a new one. Learning how to get along with our ex is paramount for our peace of mind and that of our children.
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Too often people jump from one bed to another without even allowing the ink dry on their divorce decree. You cannot leave one marriage and jump to the next and expect things to be different. You have to change and grow. You cannot blame every problem in your marriage on your ex. Your issues remain the same.
Taking time for self healing and deep introspection after a divorce is cruicial to having a subsequent relationship that will be successful. When you jump from one relationship into another immediately without time to recover the chances for success in your next relationship are greatly reduced.
Nobody wins but the attorneys. Divorces are expensive and no one wins. Even a limited contested divorce is ringing in at an average of $65,000. A fully contested divorce with property makes only the lawyers happy; costing the happy couple a whopping average of $250,000. If the money your divorce would cost could be spent on self growth, family therapy and family vacations, instead of frittering it away or tearing each other's hearts out, not only would the children benefit, but so would you.
Children definately lose in divorce. We get caught up in our ego-minds thinking that if we are happy our children will be happy. Our kids wish that we could behave like adults instead of children and remember the love that is beneath all the anger and arguments. You may have to set aside your anger to do so, but it is there. The love never goes away.
Children are often pitted in arguments for custody and money. Shared custody is occuring at an alarming rate, which shocks most women. When it does, child support can be non-existent. Many women struggle to make ends meet post-divorce, not realizing what life changes they have to make to be financially viable. Children rotating from one home to the next is becoming the norm. There are many positive aspects to shared custody, but the downside is that the children feel like gypsies without a real sense of home.
Do you need to be right? Years ago I attended a Millionaire Mind conference with T. Harv Ecker. There was one salient point that I still remember to this day. This question continues to guide me in my life. "Would you rather be right? Or would you rather be rich?"
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I know he borrowed this phrase from Napolean Hill and changed the wording a little from happy to rich. The point is this; being right may win you the battle, but you may end up loosing everything that you care about for the sake of your bruised ego. Being right as my teenage daughter has recently found often leaves you with a broken heart.