3 Things I'd Like To Tell Maria Shriver

Bummer! I was invited to be on Dr. Drew's HLN show last night, but since the Mob Wives' drama took precedence over the former Governator's tell-all last night, I'm cozily sitting at home imagining a coffee date with Maria Shriver instead.

Oh, how I wish I could spend just a few minutes with smart, beautiful Maria. I'd love to share a little hard-earned wisdom from one betrayed wife to another.

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I'd have to start with a big we're in-this-thing-together hug, because, after all, she could use one. It's bad enough to grieve a failed marriage in private, but how awful to have to do it on the world's stage with your husband's juicy new book hot off the press.

I'd tell Maria that there are a bunch of secrets to surviving such a tragic thing, but here are three of the biggies:

1. Don't blame yourself. It's not about you. It isn't now and it never was. 

Now, maybe you weren't the perfect wife. Who is? But, you loved him, you stood by his side through thick and thin for so many years, and you devotedly raised his four, amazing kids. His decisions to step out on you were his and his alone.

Believe me, I know this stuff first-hand. When I first found out my ex was cheating, I felt every emotion in the book. One of them was this horrible, powerful guilt.

What did I do wrong? Was I not pretty enough, skinny enough, whatever enough? Did I not love him enough? But, hello, I was raising two babies, consumed with breastfeeding, diapers and sleepless nights!

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I came to acknowledge that though I may have deserved some of the blame for throwing myself head first into mommyhood, and neglecting my husband to some degree, it wasn't an excuse for an affair.

More infidelity advice from YourTango:

• How To Recover From Infidelity
• Trust After Infidelity: Is It Possible?
• I'm Cheating On My Husband: Am I A Bad Person?