The most important secret here is to figure out what our partner needs to feel loved. A common mistake we make is simply to assume that our partner is just like us. We are unique individuals. We are not all wired in the exact same way. There are many wonderful ways to express love and experience love. How we naturally express love, and what makes us feel loved varies from person to person depending upon our personality.
Relationships are living breathing things, a little like plants in a way. In order for a love relationship to germinate, grow, bloom and continue to flourish, we need to continue to care for it. Generally there is a magic combination of the right amount of sun, water and nutrients as well as the right type of soil to consider. In order to do a good job tending our love relationship, it is crucial to get to know more than a thing or two about this unique individual that is the object of our affection. Even if you have never been much of a gardener, you probably are aware that different plants have specific ways they need to be cared for to thrive. You can’t care for an African violet the same way you would a sun flower, and get the best possible results. So why should we assume that expressing love for a unique human being would be any simpler than taking care of a plant?
Perhaps you really want to show your love, but don't know where to begin. You may have genuinely tried to show your love in the past, but have gotten shot down. It is discouraging when our efforts to show love get rejected, go unnoticed or under appreciated. It can be hard, even for the most romantic at heart, to continue the pursuit when their arrows of love seem to be missing the target. Sometimes we give up too quickly because we assume it is too hard to figure out how to give our partners what they need from us. Don't lose heart. There may be a better way.
Perhaps it is time for an upgrade from gold to platinum. No, I am not talking about buying your partner expensive jewelry. I am talking about expanding our awareness of showing true love, not only following the principles of the “Golden rule” but adding the wisdom of the “Platinum rule” as well. Most people have heard of the golden rule which advises us to treat others the way we would like others to treat us. I believe this is a good rule because it reminds us to step out of our potentially self-centered perspective. To follow the Golden Rule, we must first notice that other people want to be treated well, just as we want to be treated well, and then take action by doing something loving. The Platinum Rule takes this concept one stop further and advices us to treat others the way they like to be treated. This "rule" was initiated by Dr. Tony Alessandra, and is associated with the Jung Personality Traits. The basic theory is that there are four different personalities. If you can find out which one your partner is, then you can have a long lasting relationship with them.