How Your Baby Bonds With You

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How Your Baby Bonds With You

As your infant grows, she will explore what it means to be connected to you while being a separate (very small) person. Helping her begin to discover how to stay connected to you while exploring her independence means reassuring her that you are nearby when she needs you but not clingy. During the first eight months, she will be eager to stay close to you. When she is separated from you she will become upset and distressed. Don’t worry that she is lacking independence; she is displaying the healthy attachment that will give her confidence all through life. As she learns to crawl and takes her first steps, she will venture away from you and return for reassurance and comfort.

You don’t have to be perfect at bonding. There’s no such parent. You and your baby are discovering each other. You have time. Some parents and infants are more easily matched temperamentally than others. If your baby was premature, if the birth was difficult, if you are experiencing postpartum blues or depression, if your infant is colicky, or if your child was adopted, then bonding may take a little longer. As long as you do your best to respond to your baby and learn what she wants to tell you, you only need to “get it right” about one-third of the time. You and your baby are likely to be in and out of sync with each other, but what matters most is that even when you fall out of sync that you find each other again.


If you’re really having a hard time or feeling indifferent towards your baby, get help. Your infant can’t tell you in words, but she absorbs your stress like a sponge. Getting the support you need from others and learning ways to calm yourself down will ensure that you feel better and will help your baby feel soothed. Get help with housework, meals and babysitting. Take a yoga class. Join a new parent support group. Share your feelings with a friend or loved one, or talk to a therapist who is experienced in postpartum support.

Go to to learn about attachment and to get an award-winning toolkit that introduces ways in which parents and caregivers can help their children build secure attachments.

Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Jean Fitzpatrick

Marriage/Couples Counselor

Jean Fitzpatrick is a New York psychotherapist and marriage counselor.  Jean's practice includes individual and couples, and she specializes in affair recoverypre-marriageprebaby and postpartum counseling. Jean is a member of the elite Marriage Friendly Therapists network and the American Association of Pastoral Counselors.  Jean has been interviewed in The New York Times, the Wall Street Journal, the Chicago Tribune, Women's Health, on CNN and in USA Today, the NY Daily News, and other media outlets where the subject is marriage and family life. Jean's articles on family life and emotional and spiritual growth have appeared in many national magazines over the past twenty-five years, including Parents,Working Mother, The New York Times Magazine, and Family Circle, and she has written 6 books on family life.  

Visit Jean's website:

Follow Jean on twitter:  @therapistnyc35

Location: New York, NY
Credentials: LP, MA, Other
Specialties: Couples/Marital Issues, Infidelity / Affair Recovery, Marriage

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