Do We Need to Share EVERYTHING with our Mates?


Do We Need to Share EVERYTHING with our Mates?
How much sharing is too much? How to decide what to share with our mates.

I was posed a question which I find interesting.  “Would you like to know if someone hit on me during the day?”  Not in a “this is sexual harassment, I need you to beat this guy down,” kind of way, but in a “would something like that be too much information to share,” kind of way.  The point of the question is essentially, “Are there some things we should not share within our relationship?”
Before we were in a relationship, we were individuals.  Hopefully, we are complete and whole individuals, with our own thoughts, passions, dreams, emotions and lives.  Before we set out on this journey together, there were things we would not have shared with many people.  There are things we would not have shared with a close friend, male or female.  There are things we would not have shared with family or significant others.  It’s simply human nature to want to keep some things personal or private. 
Does this fact that there were some things which we kept to ourselves now change because we are in a relationship or marriage?  I think it’s a case by case study in your specific relationship.  Relationships require trust, but there is still a level of individuality and privacy which is a part of who we are as individuals.
Before you decide if you should share everything, you will need to learn what your partner will and will not find acceptable in a relationship.  Let’s go back to the idea of being hit on by another man.  If my woman if she is out with her girlfriends, I’m definitely not going to be offended.  For me, my woman could share this with me and I would be fine with it.  I would be happy she’s beautiful, charming and charismatic enough for someone else to find her attractive.  That will work in some relationships, but other people have insecurities and jealously issues which may not make this acceptable to them.  If that’s the case, then you have to weigh the option of what’s right for your level of communication and trust before you begin sharing literally every moment of your day.
This is only one scenario.  There are other things he may or may not be interested in.  He may not want to hear about your family issues, how much your parents still don’t think he’s good for you and how you keep saying he could do a lot more for the family if he could only get a better job.  There is a time and place for everything, especially within a marriage.  The key to deciding how to share, is knowing what to share, when to share and how much to share.   
The way to know the answer to this dilemma is to know if your spouse is receptive to what you want to discuss.  There needs to be a bit of a feeling out process.  Talk about things leading up to the topic you want to discuss and gauge the receptivity of your spouse.  If they aren’t interested, now is not the time to talk about the subject you want to discuss.  If they are fully present in the conversation and they have been open to this point, share what you want to express to them. 

This article was originally published at . Reprinted with permission.
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