When Will Love Happen - 3 Steps To Be Proactive

By

When Will Love Happen - 3 Steps To Be Proactive.

Question

I’m fortunate to have a great family, good friends, and a successful career. I feel like I’m in a good place, except that I’m missing a partner with whom I can share my life.

While my parents would like me to be proactive in searching for a mate, I hear from others that I’ll eventually meet my special someone. What do you think?

Answer

If you felt something missing in any other arena of your life, would you just sit back and wait for it to happen, or be proactive? Is your love life any less worthy of your time and energy?

As a first step, look internally before looking externally. Identify your must-haves and deal-breakers.

Differentiate between essential needs on the one hand, and non-essential wants/preferences on the other.  Critically evaluate the underlying basis of each need:

  1. Past relationships or experiences
  2. Values, priorities
  3. Others’ expectations, and/or stereotypes? 

Given each need likely narrows your pool of potentials, make sure each need is truly essential (so you do not risk missing out on potential partners with whom you could very well be happy).

Do the same for your deal-breakers. While this self-evaluative process may seem involved, it will likely save you time, energy, and heartbreak, in the future.

Then it’s time to look externally:

  1. Have you told everyone in your life that you’d be happy to meet any good eligible       singles?
  2. Apart from one-on-one introductions, having a party with friends where all the guests show up with a platonic friend/ex is a great way to expand your universe of potentials.
  3. Are you going to singles events, or participating in activities that are likely to have        singles in attendance?

Are you dating online?

  1. Is your online search effective or half-hearted?
  2. If you are posting a photo, is it an accurate representation of the best version of       yourself?
  3. Is your profile thoughtful and inviting?
  4. Are you meeting potentials in-person instead of getting caught up in endless        email/phone/text communications?
  5. Are you making snap judgments on first dates, or truly allowing yourself to get to know your date with an open-minded mindset?

Have you considered hiring a matchmaker/dating coach if your time is limited and you’d like to be as strategic as possible? 

As in all other areas of life, endeavor to align your actions and efforts with your values and goals. If you truly place a high value on your love life, take action accordingly.

This article was originally published at . Reprinted with permission.
Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Jasbina Ahluwalia

Relationship Coach

Jasbina Ahluwalia
Founder & President

Intersections Match by Jasbina
Join our Radio Show
Add me on facebook 
Add me on LinkedIn
Follow us on Twitter
 

To be Considered as a Potential Match for Jasbina's Selective Clients: Create Free Account here.

Relationship Q&A Videos:  Jasbina has numerous Relationship Q&A Videos.

More from Jasbina - Read Her Blog

Listen in every 3rd Monday at 6:00 PM Eastern as Jasbina Ahluwalia Founder of Intersections Match Hosts a monthly show featuring Experts on trending topics on NetIP.
 

Location: San Francisco - Bay Area, CA
Credentials: JD, MA
Other Articles/News by Jasbina Ahluwalia:

How To Preempt Boss Lady Traits?

By

Jasbina asks Rachel Greenwald – In your book Have Him at Hello: Confessions from 1,000 Guys about What Makes Them Fall in Love or Never Call Back – you characterize the “Boss Lady” as the #1 Reason Men Don’t Call Back. Are there any suggestions that you could give our listeners if they have an inkling that they sometimes fall ... Read more

Anticipation Stress: 5 Ways To Reduce It

By

Waiting for a college acceptance letter or an interview call back? Preparing to propose to your partner or bid on a house? The anticipation of the outcome can be more stressful than the result itself. People have a wide range of physical and emotional experiences while they're anticipating an event: You may find yourself unable to sleep ... Read more

Laughter May Actually Be The Best Medicine

By

Whether it's a boisterous laugh that comes from the belly or a quiet laugh interspersed with snorting, when we laugh we instantly feel good and want to do it again. What we don't think about is what is happening to our minds and bodies as we giggle, chuckle or roar out in laughter when something funny happens. What is Laughter? Laughter is ... Read more

See More

Ask The Experts

Have a dating or relationship question?
Visit Ask YourTango and let our experts and community answer.