What To Do If You Always Make Friends, Not Relationships
By Jasbina Ahluwalia. Posted on .
QUESTION
I am 34 and have been single for way too long. I would love to meet someone, but it seems that every time I do, the person doesn’t like me or ends up being unavailable.
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I usually have an easy time making friends, so of course, when I am not romantically interested in someone, that person ends up liking me. It’s very frustrating since I have no idea why this is happening.
I was wondering, do you think it’s just human nature to want what you cannot have?
ANSWER
Being 34 and single could just mean that you haven’t met the right person yet. However, if you are concerned about your dating patterns, then they are definitely worth exploring.
When it comes to wanting someone you can’t have, there are many factors to consider, such as:
- Past baggage
- Self-esteem issues
- Fear of rejection
But the most common theory is that human beings crave a challenge and the thrill of the chase.
The giddiness in the beginning of a relationship, where everything is new and you get butterflies in your stomach every time you see that special person, can be attributed to feeling unsure of how things are going.
This is the essence of the thrill of the chase: anything's possible! And when the chase is over, there is a sense of accomplishment.
If this is, in fact, what you are doing, one way to avoid this behavior is to think about what you really want and why.
The best way to figure this out is to do some honest soul searching. Ask yourself about the personal qualities you feel a life partner should have, keeping it compatible with your own values, personality, as well as short and long-term goals.
Then think about the direction in which you would like your life to go over the next six months, one year and five years. Some of the things you might think about are family life, financial planning, career development and interests.
Perhaps you will find that the fact that you are only attracted to people who seem to be unavailable is not an issue of wanting what you can’t have.
The root of your problem could be that you don't have a clear idea of yourself and what you really want out of life.
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Either way, the answers you come up with are the things you should be aware of when you meet someone.
If you begin thinking about these qualities on a more conscious level, you will open yourself up to dating people who are much more compatible with you!
