Everyone has a "type," but sometimes dating outside of your norm can bring wonderful experiences.
Jasbina Ahluwalia asks Lori Gottlieb, author of the book Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough questions about dating: Someone might say exactly what you said. They say, "I want a lawyer."
Comfort in Dating Your Type
You explore why. It could be that they are stable or intellectual. I hear many times from people, “I just want someone who put in the time to get that grad degree. I know that person has determination.”
There is another quote in your book. I think you’ve touched upon this already with different things that you’ve said. I believe that many of our listeners will find it interesting.
The quote is, “There was a big disconnection between who I saw myself with and what I actually wanted.” I think you may have touched upon this before. Tell us what you mean by that.
Dating Your Type: It’s Security.
I think that many people have a type. We keep going after that type. For whatever reason, that’s not working.
You really have to look at why you’re drawn to certain kinds of people. Are they giving you what you want?
You may say, “I’m really attracted to this very charismatic guy with a great sense of humor.” What you want is someone who is a little bit more grounded on the home front.
That’s just one example. It depends on your particular wants.
Incomplete Dating Your Kind
Many times, we’re going after these types and they’re not giving us what we want. They’re not working out.
We really need to figure out that disconnection.
Dating Your Type, Not the Best Reality
Maybe the idea of something is exciting to us but the reality of it, in terms of what the flip side might be, is something that makes internal inconsistency happen.
People have a lot of contradictory wants. They will say things like, “I want a guy who is really charismatic and attractive but never flirts with other people at a party.”
Part of what makes him so charismatic and that draws people to him is the fact that he has a flirtatious personality.
“I want someone who is really sensitive and emotionally available but he can’t cry.” Basically, you are going after these alpha males who never show any emotion.
They’re also not giving you the emotional component that you need.
The above is an excerpt from Jasbina’s interview with Lori Gottlieb.
The entire interview transcript is at: Lori Gottlieb Interview – Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough.
Listen to the entire interview on Blog Talk Radio: Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough – Lori Gottlieb.
Listen to the entire interview on iTunes.
For more from Jasbina:
- [BLOG] Economics of Online Dating
- [BLOG] Lies in Online Dating