Commit to Love
With Valentine’s Day around the corner, instead of lamenting about your love life to your friends, let this be your wake up call. If you’re a smart, successful woman and haven’t found “the one”, it’s time to take your love life seriously. Make a commitment to love and yourself to take the once-and-for-all action needed to have your ideal love relationship.
It’s a well-known truth that single women in their mid-30s and older find it more difficult to have the love they desire. If you’re in your late 20s to early 30s and want to find a life partner, be proactive instead of waiting until it seems like it’s too late. (BTW, it’s never too late. It just becomes more challenging.)
Follow These 7 Practices to Make Love a Priority
Practice #1: Use Your Love Lessons to Move Forward
Instead of repeating the same unhealthy relationship habits, reflect on your role and contributions in love relationships that haven’t worked out. You’re the common denominator in all of your relationships. Determine the common characteristics and traits you tend to attract in men and relationships. Like attracts like, which means that if you tend to attract men who can’t express themselves openly, chances are, you have a difficult time fully expressing yourself. Take the time to uncover these non-supportive characteristics and traits in yourself and work through them to build healthy relationship habits.
Practice #2: Get Rid of Unrealistic Expectations
We tend to carry our youthful expectations into love. These expectations are misguided, based on fairy tales where the prince and princess live happily ever after. If you believe a potential partner needs to meet your list of “must haves” in order to be in a relationship with him, you’ll have a difficult time finding love. How many of the items on your list are nice to have that fall into the superficial category? Does your partner need to have a full head of hair, be at least 6-feet tall and have perfect teeth in order for you to find love? It’s important to hone your “must haves” down to a more meaningful level (i.e. kind, loving, thoughtful, trustworthy, etc.). Make your list as short and concise as possible. Try using an 80/20 ratio where 80% of your must haves are meaningful “must haves” and 20% are “nice to haves”. Base your decision mainly on the meaningful “must haves”.
Practice #3: Use Your Time and Energy Wisely
Time waits for no one, not even for beautiful women like Jenny McCarthy, Madonna, Meg Ryan and Pamela Anderson, who try to stop time with plastic surgery, botox, the latest beauty treatments, etc. Use your time wisely in your search for love. Don’t get sidetracked by your career, drop-dead gorgeous yet incompatible men, men whose actions and behaviors don’t match their words, bad boys, one-night stands, relationships with no future and red flags. Every sidetracking step you take, takes you further away from love. In addition to wasting your time, the energy you spend during these sidetrack activities, is energy better spent towards finding love.
(BTW, just because you make love a priority, doesn’t mean you have to leave your professional life behind. Your priority is really about committing first to love and second to your career.)
Practice #4: Be Bold and Open-Minded
We tend to shut ourselves off to love each time we experience bad dates and relationships. We proceed with caution because we’re afraid of getting hurt. We build walls, become more jaded and look for the other shoe to drop. There’s no point in being regretful about the past and worrying about the future. Your past is the past and the future hasn’t happened.
The way to love is in the present moment. Be bold and open-minded by approaching love through fresh eyes and with an open heart. Put yourself out there. Have fun and enjoy the journey to love. Expect your love life to be fulfilling, loving and lasting.
Practice #5: Expand Your Exposure
Your ideal love relationship isn’t found in your comfort zone. If it was, wouldn’t you already have the love you desire? Being a creature of habit keeps you stuck. For instance, if you refuse to try online dating because you’re convinced that you’re going to meet your life partner out and about, you’re seriously limiting your chances. Look for opportunities to be in situations and places to meet potential partners. For instance, try online dating, have an active social life, join groups and clubs with single men based on common interests, participate in professional or social organizations, volunteer, etc. If you’re hesitant, try one new thing and then expand into others from there. You can always recruit your single girlfriends to do this with.
Practice #6: Choose Wisely
Even though it may feel like your choices are limited, you always have a choice. Don’t settle for the wrong man or relationship just because “it’s time”, you feel pressured or are in a hurry. Making a lifetime decision takes time to carefully weigh your options about the type of partner that will best complement (not complete) you. If you find yourself using your logic-based mind to make this decision, get in touch with and listen to your heart. Since love resides in your heart, making decisions about love from your heart yields the best results.
Practice #7: Have an Abundant Mindset
As we get older, it’s common to feel sad, frustrated, hopeless and desperate in our search for love. If you dwell in this scarcity mindset, you’ll find yourself believing that, “All the good men are taken…”, “I’m too old…”, “I’m not enough…”, “What if I don’t ever…”, the list could go on and on. The more you believe this, the more you’ll attract men and relationships that mirror your beliefs.
Since the universe brings to you that which you believe and act upon, it’s imperative that you adopt a mindset of abundance. This can look like, “There are a lot of great men out there.” “I’m worthy of a fulfilling and loving relationship.” “I’m lovable just the way I am.” “The man I desire is on his way; he’s here now.”
Enjoy the Journey
As you practice these ways, be sure to enjoy the journey. Since old relationship habits will come up and these practices may be a new way of being, be patient with yourself. It’s not about doing things perfectly to get perfect results. It’s about making small improvements by getting yourself back on track when you fall into your old relationship habits. If you’re consistent with these practices, you’ll soon have the love you desire.
You have the choice on how you approach and experience love. Make choices from your heart. Stay open and allow the Universe to bring you your special Valentine.
P.S. If you're frustrated and tired about not having the same success in love as your professional life, get your free Monthly Guide to Love. You'll receive insightful articles, inspirational resources and best practices that support your journey to love.