"Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it." - Rumi
What are Barriers?
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Barriers keep us from opening up to love. When we are closed off, we feel disconnected and respond from fear. Barriers are what we do and how we're being that sabotage our relationships.
They show up in unhealthy relationship patterns and result in unfulfilling relationships. At first glance, we think it's our partner who puts up these barriers because of the way they respond or don't respond, or because of what they do or don't do. But when we wake up and see that we keep attracting the same man over and over, we then realize that we're getting in our own way. How To Let Your Guard Down Without Getting Hurt
Uncover Your Barriers
Despite what your current or ex-partners have done or how they've behaved, you can't make them change to fit your vision of love. You're the common denominator in all of your love relationships and can only change yourself. The way to a successful love life is found by taking responsibility for your role.
Take responsibility by uncovering the barriers that have been keeping you from your ideal relationship. Ask yourself these questions:
- What are my biggest challenges in love relationships?
- What thoughts and beliefs continually come up for me around love and men?
- What are my self sabotaging traits and characteristics that keep showing up in my love relationships?
- What type of men do I tend to attract and what are their common characteristics, traits and values? Five Types of Men Worth a Second Look
Answering these questions truthfully will give you insight and knowledge to take action in an empowering way.
For instance, a barrier could look like this: your fear of being rejected or judged by your partner keeps you from fully expressing yourself. This leads to real intimacy missing from your relationship and not feeling truly connected with your partner. The opportunity is to determine ways to work around your barriers in a sustainable way.
Find Solutions to Your Barriers
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Our comfort level with relationship patterns keep us stuck. The fastest way to get unstuck is through you. You're the one you've been waiting for to create your love life in the way that fits your vision. You have the power to determine sustainable ways to work around your barriers.
Sustainable workarounds to the instance mentioned above could be to practice sharing your thoughts and feelings (the good and self-perceived bad) as they come up, without being attached to how it's going to sound, how your partner will react, beating yourself up for how you said something, etc. Let your partner see the real you. After all, don't you want to be loved for who you are rather than who you think you should be?