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'Tis better to have loved and lost...
By Janet Ong Zimmerman — Last updated on Mar 08, 2023
Love can be excruciatingly painful when someone you love dearly is no longer in your life. Continuing to idealize and romanticize "the one" who's not really "the one" keeps you living in the past, making it extremely difficult to move forward.
"Why didn't my relationship work out?" you may be asking. Well, the simple yet hard-to-understand answer is that every person comes into your love life for a reason, a season or a lifetime.
When they are no longer in your life, even if you still love them, their reason and time with you has been fulfilled. There is someone else coming into your life who is better suited for you based on where you are now, what you need to learn and how you need to grow.
While this may be difficult to accept, it will make sense in hindsight. Overcome the nostalgia of lost love by learning how to love yourself and focusing on becoming a better person.
How to Get Over a Lost Love
1. Take time for self-reflection.
Ponder what you're doing well with in love, what you can improve upon, and the notable experiences that are scripting your love story. This process brings conscious awareness of where you've been, where you are and where you want to go.
2. Question your negative thoughts.
Negative thoughts tend to run on autopilot and, if left unquestioned, you can easily believe things that aren't true. Question these predominant thoughts and determine positive thoughts that are as true or truer than your original thoughts.
3. Make conscious choices about when to make contact.
When you think about him and want to contact him, make the choice to not do it. Don't make it tempting or easy to have him in your awareness. For instance, delete his phone number, and don't text him or respond to his texts.
4. Live in the present.
Spend as much time as possible in the present moment. If you find yourself thinking about him, you're in the past. Be present because in that moment, life is good.
5. Find — and live — your passions.
Bring more inspiration and joy into your life by doing things you love. When you're living your passions, you are happier with your own life.
6. Soothe your soul.
To connect with your being, spend time in nature, practice meditation, get a massage, enjoy some quiet time alone and do things that ease your mind.
7. Create a supportive environment for yourself.
Surround yourself with family and friends who care about you and your well being. They will help you feel more at peace during difficult times.
8. Treat yourself well.
You teach others how to treat you. The better you treat yourself, the better your future partner will treat you. Be kind, loving and respectful to yourself.
9. Work on identifying, and then breaking, your unhealthy patterns.
Work through and resolve unhealthy relationship patterns that have shown up in all of your relationships so that when you're ready, you can create and maintain lasting love.
Taking time for yourself helps your heart heal and open up to the possibility of new love. When you're ready and the time is right, you'll have a deep, meaningful relationship with someone who is better suited for you.
Everything is happening in your best interest. Do whatever it takes to create a clean slate for love to come your way.
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Janet Ong Zimmerman is dating and relationship coach who helps successful women cultivate love with ease and clarity.