How To Get A Boyfriend: Stop Trying!

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How To Get A Boyfriend: Stop Trying!
Love happens when you least expect it. So stop obsessing and start living.

From a young age, girls grow up thinking that a boyfriend will make them happy and that when they find one, life will be complete. Any dating coach will tell you that when this thinking carries into adulthood, single women will focus too much on finding a partner.

Trying too hard leads to behaving and acting in ways that end up turning off guys. If all you think about is finding a boyfriend, instead of coming across as desirable you'll seem desperate. Desperation is a definite turn off to high quality men.

What Happens When You Try Too Hard

If all you think about is finding a boyfriend, you'll feel pressured to behave and act in certain ways when interacting with guys. This self-imposed pressure doesn't let you be your authentic self, and when you aren't being your true self, you won't be able to connect with a man on a deep and meaningful level.

When things don't go the way you want, you'll be critical towards yourself. Beating yourself up gets in the way of loving yourself. And when you don't love yourself, you can't expect a man to love you. You'll settle for less than you deserve. For example, let's say a guy makes plans to take you out on Saturday night but you don't hear from him. He calls you on Tuesday with an excuse that seems like a red flag. If you're desperate, you'll accept the excuse and lower your standards.

When you try too hard, you can't relax and enjoy the journey because you're wondering how to get a boyfriend, and are always on alert for this guy to "show up" in your life. This desperate and uptight energy you radiate will push a high quality man further away.

The Dissatisfying Approach To Finding A Boyfriend

The approach a desperate woman tends to take when looking to get a boyfriend is being overly flirtatious, dressing provocatively, acting too available, waiting for him to contact her, pursuing him aggressively, behaving and acting in ways she thinks appeals to him, sleeping together too soon and trying to manipulate or force an outcome. These methods feel forced, unnatural and lead to dissatisfying results.

This approach is so dissatisfying because it's not empowering. When I was single and wanted a boyfriend, I wasn't able to be myself. I felt powerless because I believed that in order for love to happen to me, a guy had to choose me to be his girlfriend.

I want you to know there is a better way to find a partner. The empowering approach will allow you to feel good about yourself and experience the journey to love with more ease.

The Satisfying Approach To Getting A Boyfriend

I believe the real meaning behind the old adage, "love happens when you’re not looking" is about focusing on yourself first. It's about being happy by and with yourself, and loving who you are. When you're truly happy and loving yourself, you'll attract great men and increase your probability of getting a boyfriend.

What follows are eight healthy ways to focus on yourself first. As you practice these tips, you'll also learn how they increase your probability of finding a great partner. The more you work on these methods, the more likely it is love will happen when you least expect it.

1. Live Your Life

Life is too short to mope about not having a partner. Find and live your passions. If there are things on your bucket list you haven’t done, get out there and do them. Participate in activities you enjoy; for example, hiking, volunteering or dancing. Guys are attracted to women who have a zest for life, and when you are living your life out loud, your enthusiasm is contagious. Plus, it takes the pressure off a man to feel responsible for your happiness. No one should ever have to feel responsible for someone else's happiness, including you.

2. Be Happy With Yourself

Find your happiness by enjoying the simple things in life. Be grateful for what you have, honor your values and help others. When you are truly happy with yourself, you're not shaken to the core when something bad happens. Studies show that happiness is contagious, and that potential dates find it hard to walk away from happy people. As dating expert Janis Spindel says, one of the biggest turn-offs for most people is negativity.

3. Surround Yourself With Supportive And Positive People

If you find yourself feeling stressed or depressed after being around certain people, limit the time you spend with them or completely stop being around them. Spend time with family and friends who are uplifting, and seek out new friends who leave you feeling positive. Life can be hard, and a guy doesn't want to be dragged down by a woman with a negative outlook on life. When you look at the brighter side of life, your interactions with everyone will be positive and more enjoyable. Keep reading...

More dating coach advice from YourTango:

Article contributed by

Janet Ong Zimmerman

Relationship Coach

Relationship Coach for Successful Women

Co-Author of International Best Seller "Sexy Secrets to a Juicy Love Life"

Having a hard time finding success in love?  Take the Love Indicator Assessment. You'll receive a free 6-page report showing where you're at with love, the reasons you haven't found it yet and what you can do to immediately improve your love life.

For more dating and relationship support, join Love for Successful Women's Google Plus Community.

Ready for love?  Contact Janet at janet@loveforsuccessfulwomen.com or 949-278-4792.

Location: Irvine, CA
Credentials: Other
Specialties: Communication Problems, Couples/Marital Issues, Dating/Being Single Support
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