Dr. Wayne Dyer is one of my favorite teachers of all time. His book, 10 Secrets for Success and Inner Peace, is timeless, full of wisdom, and provides a simple guide for living an inspired life. In the spirit of love and sharing Dr. Dyer's message, here is my perspective on how his 10 secrets translate to romantic love.
The First Secret: Have a mind that is open to everything and attached to nothing.
It's easy to become disillusioned and closed-minded each time a relationship doesn't work out, when you feel like you’ve been dating forever and you're conditioned to believe what love is (based on your experience of love when you were a child). When you're closed-minded to your partner, you are more attached to your position instead of having a closer connection with your partner.
Resist being closed off and thinking negative thoughts. Keep an open mind and focus on the positives and possibilities without being attached to expectations (preconceived notions of how your partner should be). Get crystal clear on what you want and how you want to feel in a relationship. Then take the behaviors and actions to have what you want without controlling or being attached to the outcome. When you are crystal clear and behave and act accordingly, the outcome that you’re supposed to have will fall into place the way it's supposed to.
The Second Secret: Don't die with your music still in you.
If you tend to settle for less than you deserve in a relationship, you'll leave this earth with regret and sorrow. Your desire for a loving and fulfilling relationship will not be met. In order to experience your ideal relationship, settle for more. Instead of staying in a ho-hum relationship, letting someone choose you or getting off-track with the wrong men, create the love life you desire. You are more powerful than you think you are.
The Third Secret: You can't give away what you don't have.
If you don't love yourself, you can't love someone else. When you don't love yourself, you'll be judgmental and critical about the qualities that you wish you didn't have. You'll then reflect this outward onto your partner and become judgmental and critical towards him. Don't expect him to be loving towards you if you're not loving yourself and him. Work on loving yourself first, including your self-perceived bad sides.
If you aren't able to openly express yourself, yet want a man who shares his feelings with you, you'll attract men who have a difficult time communicating. Your opportunity is to improve your communication skills so that you'll attract someone who can express himself freely.
The Fourth Secret: Embrace silence.
The tendency is to over-analyze every little thing and replay the details of what he said, why he said it, what went wrong, etc., makes it impossible to embrace silence. Instead your logic-based mind taking over and asking your friends and family what you should do, just be. Relax your mind to open up the space for silence, allowing you to listen to your intuition. Practicing meditation is one way to connect with silence.
The Fifth Secret: Give up your personal history.
Holding onto negative experiences from past relationships keeps you stuck. When you hold on to the past, you're only hurting yourself while the other person has moved/is moving on with his life. Give yourself a fresh start. Let go of what's happened by resolving resentments, making peace with the past, and working through unhealthy relationship patterns.
Identify the patterns that have continued to show up in all of your relationships. For instance, if all of the men that you've been with have treated you poorly, look inward. Reflect on what's within you that's caused you to attract these types of men. If you find that low self esteem is the reason, work on improving your self worth.
The Sixth Secret: You can't solve a problem with the same mind that created it.
Your mind is very powerful. The same problems that repeat themselves in different relationships stem from limiting thoughts and beliefs. When you believe the habitual negative thoughts that run on autopilot, you can't solve the same problems that keep coming up in different relationships. Your thoughts determine your feelings, which then determine your behaviors and actions. Negative thoughts lead to not feeling good about yourself. When you behave and take action from feeling bad about yourself, you won't get good results.
In order to solve relationship problems, you need to adopt a different mindset by questioning the negative thought(s) and replacing them with positive ones that are as or more true. For instance, if you believe there are no good men out there, you'll continue attracting men who are not good for you. When you question this thought and see otherwise, you'll open up the possibility to attract a good man.
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