How To Have Good Sex When You're Juggling Being A Single Parent

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How To Have Good Sex When Juggling Single Parenting
Sex

It's tough — but not impossible.

Noel and Julie came to see me for separation counseling. They both agreed their marriage of 12 years was over. They had not enjoyed a good sex life for four years.  They

They didn’t fight, they didn’t hate each other — they had just grown apart. They were worried about the best option for their two children — 10-year-old James and 7-year-old Elly. 

We worked out an access arrangement based on the kids staying with Julie in the marital home and spending Wednesday night and every second weekend with Noel. Everyone seemed happy.

Two months later and Julie was furious with Noel. James and Elly said Daddy was sleeping with Jane. Julie was devastated. Who was Jane?

Noel was sexually involved with a colleague, Jane, who now a regular bedmate.

Julie cried and cried. She hadn’t even thought about looking for a partner. How dare he introduce a new woman to her children and blatantly have her in his bed?!

Two months later and Noel was worried about his kids. Every time they came to stay over, they would sneak into his room and wake him and Jane. Jane complained. Noel felt like the meat in the sandwich.

He wanted to keep his kids happy, keep Julie happy, and keep Jane happy. He also wanted to have a decent sex life!

RELATED: 4 Honorable Reasons Single Dads Are Secretly TERRIFIED Of Dating You

Two months later and Julie was glowing. She’d met a man. She wanted advice on how to handle her first sexual partner since Noel. She also wanted tips on how to handle the children since Noel was on a month’s business trip and Julie had the children day and night.

The tortures of single parenting are compounded by the challenges of separation and new beginnings. There is always blame and recriminations for the first partner who actually "does it" with someone else.

In this case, it was Noel who looked like the thoughtless sex maniac. Even though Julie agreed that their sex life had been dead for four years, she wasn't ready for the speed with which Noel jumped into bed with Jane. Julie did not think his allowing the children to see them in bed was fair. 

If you're wondering how to have sex after divorce, I recommend you see a counselor and make a plan before you jump into sex after a long-term partnership where kids are involved.

Some kids can cope with their parents’ new partners but some feel rejected and betrayed.

RELATED: Why Sleeping With Him Too Soon Might Ruin Your Chance At True Love

I like parents to take time to be single parents for a while before introducing new partners. They should at first be included on outings and only invited to share the bed as common knowledge when the kids approve. (Oh, and ideally, the kids should only see one new sex partner at a time!)

Single parents who are stressed by kids who come into their bedroom at night will be heartened by my book How to Be Boss of Bedtime. It has a section for kids to read which details all the "delaying and manipulating" strategies kids use to stay up at night.

The idea is that kids now know, that we know what they are up to. You'll learn some terrific techniques to settle your kids and boost their self-esteem if they are worried after mummy and daddy start to live in separate houses.

You'll learn how to anticipate and head-off any delaying ploys so your kids stay in their own beds all night so you can enjoy the sex life you deserve.

Dr. Janet Hall is a professional with a big heart! Visit Dr. Jan's Online Store to see her vast array of products.

Are you ready to start dating after divorce? Watch Expert Amy Spencer discuss how to know if you are.

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