Divorce is not the problem. It is a solution

By Janet Anderson, MA, LPC-Supervisor. Posted on Oct 15th 2012.

Orpah's producer asked,"Did I agree that divorce was a river of pain that runs through our country/"

So I think we should honor and celebrate the idea that we live in a country that is enlightened enough to recognize that 1. People can make mistakes and if a mistake is made, it doesn’t necessarily mean they have to live forever in that mistake, and 2. People evolve and change over time. What was once true for them may not always stay true and it is an important part of growth to recognize and respond to the changes.
     The problem with divorce is that marriage precedes it, and what we do in marriage is what causes all the problems. Please note, I did not say marriage is the problem, I said WHAT WE DO in marriage is the problem. Personally, I don’t think anything is as wonderful and satisfying as a happy marriage.
     The trouble starts because when we get married, we get careless.
     I tell the couples I counsel, that if you want to stay loved, you have to stay lovable and for some dumb reason, we forget to do that after we’re married. When we’re dating, we shower often, brush our teeth and avoid garlic regularly, wear our best, most flattering (clean) clothes, smile a lot, laugh even more, stay blissfully attentive to everything our partner says, and make sure to keep bodily functions out of sight or mind of our partner. Then we get married.
Now all of a sudden, the TV is more interesting than our partners. It’s too much trouble to brush our teeth three times a day, and …gee, that oversized, patched pair of overalls is too comfortable to throw out. We forget to be courteous. We forget to be attractive. We forget to attend to our personal hygiene. We forget what being alone really feels like. Until we get divorced.
So, yes, divorce is a river of pain that runs through our country, but it doesn’t have to be. So brush your teeth, go out on dates, work on staying attractive, be attentive to your spouse, play together, laugh even more, sacrifice for each other, remember why you chose each other; and if you do so, we’re less likely to be having a discussion about the river of pain, called divorce. jancounseling.com

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Janet Anderson, MA, LPC-Supervisor

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Location: Cedar Park, TX

Credentials: LPC, MA, NCC

Specialties: Anger Management, Couples/Marital Issues, Depression

Website: http://www.jancounseling.com

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