Divorce is not the problem. It is a solution

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Divorce is not the problem. It is a solution
Orpah's producer asked,"Did I agree that divorce was a river of pain that runs through our country/"

While filming the first episode of “Where are they Now” with Oprah Winfrey, one of the producers asked me to comment on the following quote, “Divorce is a river of pain that runs through our country.” I responded by saying, divorce isn’t the problem. It’s the solution.  Now don’t get me wrong, divorce is indeed a river of pain.  It is one of the most painful human experiences that we endure.  I know; I have been divorced.  But divorce isn’t the problem here; it is simply a tool that represents the evolution of a relationship which took a different path than expected.  Did you notice that I purposely avoided the word failure?    Everybody feels like they failed when they divorce and it adds a layer of shame that is just unnecessary. My feelings about failure are for another day.
Can we get out of our emotional brain for a minute and look at this rationally.  We live in a free country, hallelujah, and some of those freedoms include being able to get out of situations that no longer work for us.   If we hate our job, we look for another one and quit as soon as we can.  If we have a friend who has treated us badly, we stop being friends with that person.  If we’re in a contract that is losing money, we can even break the contract (not without consequences) but we don’t go to jail if we get out of the contract; in fact, except for taxes and school loan debt, as long as we’re law abiding, we have the choice to get out of any situation that doesn’t work for us.  That’s a perk of being a citizen of a free country.
     We understand, and accept, that we’re going to make mistakes in most areas of our lives.  We’ll choose the wrong profession, we’ll study the wrong subject, we’ll live in the wrong place, we’ll drive the wrong car…the list is endless.  When we’ve made a mistake, we usually try to undo it if possible.  What in the world makes us think that we won’t make a mistake with the person we choose to marry?

This article was originally published at . Reprinted with permission.
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