I surrender. I allow myself to be victimized by a communication illiterate. I retreat into silence.
I get accused of "arguing" all the time, and I try to explain - "wait,
I'm merely trying to get clarification and understand what you're
saying". To ME, a "What do you mean?" is hardly argumentative in my book. But,
alas, my S.O. has the patience of a gnat. I complain too much, I argue
too much, I talk to my dogs (at least they act like they're listening).
I need to be "fixed". The reality? I need those damn ruby shoes to take me away to
Emerald City and have some munchkin feed me lollipops (with my little
More from YourTango: Merging Walls? 5 MUST SEES before moving in together!
Sometimes, what happens is in the silence, revelations come to light. I come from a very vocal family. It was weird if someone didn't have an opinion on something. We discussed (loudly) and disagreed (equally loudly) on everything ranging from the dwindling educational system to politics and global policies. This was FUN for us. Did we storm off and accuse each other of being uninformed? No. We usually had dinner.
My S.O. thinks that any kind of discussion is an argument, and gets upset about things I don't understand. I am certain that it's our respective backgrounds. Coming from a family that encouraged discussion and debate, I feel it's normal. He comes from a place where he wasn't really allowed to express an opinion of any kind, and when he did he was reprimanded for it.
I hate watching the news because it's usually packed with stuff that is negative and just useless information to me. I enjoy peace and quiet in the morning. He turns on the T.V. first thing when he awakes, and keeps it on all day (CNN of all things!). These are the times I'd like to have those magical red slippers so that I could toss them at him....not that I don't read headlines or briefs here and there and stay informed. I do. I just don't want it blasted at me 24/7.
More from YourTango: Even RATS jump off a sinking ship!
Communication is one element that is critical for a successful relationship, and I know this. I don't raise my voice, I try and remain calm; but, I am so frustrated with the lack of REAL conversation between us. When we have a real conversation about something, well...there I go again, arguing. No, it's not an argument in my mind - I want to extract his perspective so I ask questions. Should I just shut up and be a bobble head? Is this truly what he wants? I was under the impression one of the qualities I had that attracted him in the first place was my brain.
Ok, I'm going to find those slippers and click my way to Emerald City. Maybe I'll have lunch with some flying monkeys.