Are you getting what you EXPECT?

Are the expectations you have in a relationship really yours, or are they an accumulation of what you've READ or have been TAUGHT that "this is the way it SHOULD be"? What you want in a relationship and what you have could very well be causing some inner conflict inside you. You're looking at your guy (or gal) and saying, "Whoa, wait a minute! He SHOULD be doing such and such" - but WHO determined what he "should" be doing?

With all the books available today for "fixing relationships", "how to catch the perfect man" (as if that animal exists) "how to behave in a relationship" "whether or not he's just that not into you" "How to tell if he's into you" "Men are from Mars"... well, you get the idea, and the list is endless. Point is, are YOU deriving what a relationship SHOULD be based on Oprah, Dr. Phil, countless books and talk show hosts have to tell you?

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OR, are you just allowing the person you're in a relationship to be himself (herself) and learn to adjust your perspectives?

Granted, certain behaviors are disrespectful, and no one that I know of wakes up in the morning with an enthusiastic "oh, Yippee, I sure hope I get treated like scum today!". Mutual respect in a relationship is paramount to the partnership working.

What I have discovered is that we all have an ideal in the corners of our mind of what our interaction with our loved one "should" be. Whether this is derived from watching "Leave it to Beaver" (gotta love June and those pearls) or "Married with Children" (Al secretly loves Kate but is very degrading to her) - or, as mentioned above, the books and famous people that tell us what we SHOULD expect. If your relationship is falling short of the commandments that dictate the "shoulds" and "should not" are you expecting it to change?

Better yet, can you discard what the mighty powerful "THEY" say, and just learn to adjust to what your relationship IS instead of what you think it SHOULD be?

More disagreements and squabbles between two people are born out of what others dictate to us because someone else that doesn't have a clue about who you are or who your significant tells you this is the way you SHOULD behave, resolve issues, and live happily ever after.

The ONLY "happily ever after" comes in books. Relationships are a continual work in progress, keeping your ego in check, ACCEPTING certain things, and LEARNING to choose your battles. Leaving the cap off the toothpaste isn't a battle worth the effort. Not telling you where he's going when he suddenly decides to go out for the evening- that one is worth the pursuit.

To genuinely ALLOW your relationship to work, you have to get into a space where you allow each other to simply BE the person he/she is. No one needs "fixing". Perceptions can be shifted. Behaviors can be altered. The key is to make sure that it's what YOU want, and not what you've been told!

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If we don't EXPECT we truly can be more at peace. High expectations only lead to disappintment. Maybe some agree, maybe some of you disagree. I'm not suggesting that you lower your standards in what is acceptable to you, or isn't - but perhaps your expectations are not YOURS at all, rather opinions and retorhic from others? Just food for thought.

Make it a GREAT day!
Jane
www.janewilcox.com