You, Your Relationship & Your Debt: The Worst Threesome Ever

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The Threesome: You, Your Partner & Money
Married, living together or just building a committed relationship: Money is the uninvited third.

A romantic dinner for two, a second honeymoon in a tropical paradise, or a mundane trip to the grocery. Three times a couple should feel completely at ease with each other. But look again. There's a third party muscling in on your relationship. It's not the in-laws or the kids; the BFF or the co-worker; and even through it sounds terrible, it's not even the lover of a cheating spouse.

Married, living together or just building a committed relationship, money is the uninvited third partner, whispering sweet nothings into one ear while our partners are whispering in the other. And, because we are wed to what money tells us as individuals, when we see our partner thinking or acting differently, we don't understand where they are coming from and wonder what's wrong with them. Well that's a definite recipe for disaster!

From the time we are old enough to understand the concept of money, we've been taught what to do with it, what not to do with it, how to save it, spend it, invest it, earn it and yes, even covet it, but for most of us, we've never learned how to talk about it.

Financial Specialist Jane Honeck, CPA and Psychotherapist Spencer Melnick believe that communication, or 'the money discussion' holds the key to better self-understanding and as a result, better relationships. Together, Honeck and Melnick have developed The Money Dynamic, an intensive online workshop designed to help individuals and couples, regardless of their net worth, or lack thereof, to understand their own relationship with money.

"Couples get trapped thinking it's all about the money," says Honeck. "But the underlying issues are the same ones that trip you up in other areas—trust, power, and intimacy.  And, just as in those other areas, money problems are solved with the same thing—good communication."

Learning to really talk about money is the answer. Here are some easy tricks to learn how.

  1. Make your first real money conversation about what's good — save the problems for later. Only talking about money when there are problems means you're only trying to talk about money when you're stressed and anxious. No conversations work in that frame of mind. Start when you're feeling good and make it short and sweet. Something like, "I made my lunch today and saved $8. Feels pretty good." Short and sweet but it's a trial run and you're learning for future conversations.
  2. Be curious about what others think — ask questions. Again, short, sweet and simple. Something like, "I have a tough time saving, what do you do to save a little money?" You might get a great idea or you just might hear, "I can't seem to figure it out!" Either way, it gives you an opportunity to start talking about money and get a new perspective. There's a reason why "two heads are better than one." When you stay isolated in your own money thoughts (and problems) you only see what you've always seen. A new perspective opens up endless possibilities.
  3. Be honest — tell it like it is. No one likes to feel they're all alone. The financial world is expert at helping us feel like we're the only one with this problem. Being honest and truthful about money lets others know they can do the same—and that you don't have to be an expert. Saying you're worried, lets others be worried. Saying you're confused, lets others be confused. And, feeling good lets others do the same. No matter what you are, being honest lets others be on the same page instead of alone with the issues.
  4. Talk now — not later. Waiting until you have the perfect words, the perfect facts and the perfect weather—only increases your anxiety. And stress and anxiety is a recipe for disaster. Bring it up—whatever it is—the first time you think about it. Even if it's nothing more than, "I'm still sorting this out, but what do you think?" For all you know, your partner may have already sorted things out and it's not an issue at all. Or, if they haven't, just knowing that you're thinking about it too, puts them on your side. They're ready to see how they can help.
  5. You've arrived. Don't look now but you've just had your first conversation about a money problem. And, if you followed these easy steps, you most likely didn't run from it, hide from it and you didn't get crucified for bringing it up. Money talk is no different than any other conversation—stay light, interested, honest and current. Nothing more, nothing less.

The Money Dynamic doesn't pretend to give you the secrets of wealth and it doesn't offer a one-size-fits-all answer to getting out of debt, but it does teach you how to recognize money messages, process your own money signals and communicate on a level playing field. The intensive eight-part course walks you through both understanding and application by providing video vignettes, course materials and extensive worksheets and study guides.

To learn more about The Money Dynamic, visit: http://themoneydynamic.com

This article was originally published at . Reprinted with permission from the author.

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Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Jane Honeck CPA

Money Coach

Jane Honeck, CPA, PFS, PCC
Consultant, Coach and Trusted Advisor

Founder of The Money Dynamic, a revolutionary program for changing your life with money, Jane helps you uncover your strengths while debunking the beliefs that hold you hostage to a financial life you don’t want or deserve.

Using her 30+ years of traditional experience as a CPA and Personal Financial Specialist, Jane works with couples and individuals to change their relationship with money. Based on her internationally published and awarding winning book, The Problem With Money? It’s Not About The Money! Jane opens you to a whole new world of financial freedom.

Listen to The Money Dynamic Radio Show on her website and discover how changing your thinking and real talk about money will change your financial life forever.

Follow Jane on Facebook, LinkedIn and Twitter @themoneydynamic.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Location: Freeport, ME
Credentials: Other, PCC
Specialties: Communication Problems, Couples/Marital Issues, Financial Stress
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