We all have inherent belief systems, as a result of our early programming, that greatly affect us throughout our lives into adulthood. For a variety of reasons, one of the most prevalent is that we don’t deserve to be loved, and it's this particular one that has the most negative effect on the quality of the relationships that we have.
It’s the belief system that you might not even realize is playing in the back of your mind, in your subconscious, as it subtly reminds you day after day that you are bad, there's something wrong with you, don’t deserve to be happy, and, worst of all, you don’t deserve to be loved!
More from YourTango: Flirting Tips: 4 Ways To Knock His Socks Off In 4 Minutes
To get started on your own personal journey to true love, download Jane's complimentary guide "Find Your True Love: 10 Simple Steps to Getting the Love You Want...and Deserve".
Why can't I find love?
When I finally recognized this pattern in my own life, when I finally dug deep enough to get to the bottom of why I was attracting all the wrong men and having all the wrong kinds of relationships, I realized just how much of an effect it had on my own love life. You’d never know it with most of us; we can seem just fine on the outside, we can appear as though everything is normal, but deep down inside, there it is: the subconscious part of us that just doesn’t give us a break. Ever. And colors everything about our lives, including our love life.
Unlike the cheerleader that keeps building us up, reminding us of all that we have to offer and everything beautiful and wonderful and unique about us, this is that loud voice inside our heads that reminds us of everything we’re not, everything we mess up, everything we lack, and everything we think we'll never be. And the worst part is it can go on for years and years, sometimes even a lifetime, without us even realizing what’s going on.
If you don’t know what I mean, next time you find yourself wondering if you’re good enough for someone, questioning whether settling for crumbs is the best you’re ever going to get, beating yourself up for saying or doing something that you later regret, ask yourself where these thoughts are coming from. Then you'll recognize it – that inner voice that's been chipping away at your self-esteem your entire life.
It's a lie.
More from YourTango: 4 Ways Your Mom Messed Up Your Love Life
Well, I’m here to tell you right now that what your inner voices are telling you is just not true. It’s all a bunch of lies.
The problem is, sometimes we believe these lies so deeply that we don't even allow ourselves to want to be loved. We tell ourselves we don't need it, that we're fine on our own, we're doing just great, thank you very much. But this is just another destructive way of dealing with our internal negative self-talk. Is it any wonder we have such a hard time finding - and keeping – love in our lives?