to the YourTango newsletter!

Continue to Site »»

ProConnect

You Deserve To Be Loved!

By . Posted on .

You Deserve To Be Loved!
Here's what to do when that nagging internal voice (or any voice) tells you any different!

We all have inherent belief systems, as a result of our early programming, that greatly affect us throughout our lives into adulthood. For a variety of reasons, one of the most prevalent is that we don’t deserve to be loved, and it's this particular one that has the most negative effect on the quality of the relationships that we have.

It’s the belief system that you might not even realize is playing in the back of your mind, in your subconscious, as it subtly reminds you day after day that you are bad, there's something wrong with you, don’t deserve to be happy, and, worst of all, you don’t deserve to be loved!

More from YourTango: Flirting Tips: 4 Ways To Knock His Socks Off In 4 Minutes

To get started on your own personal journey to true love, download Jane's complimentary guide "Find Your True Love: 10 Simple Steps to Getting the Love You Want...and Deserve".

Why can't I find love?

When I finally recognized this pattern in my own life, when I finally dug deep enough to get to the bottom of why I was attracting all the wrong men and having all the wrong kinds of relationships, I realized just how much of an effect it had on my own love life. You’d never know it with most of us; we can seem just fine on the outside, we can appear as though everything is normal, but deep down inside, there it is: the subconscious part of us that just doesn’t give us a break. Ever. And colors everything about our lives, including our love life.

Unlike the cheerleader that keeps building us up, reminding us of all that we have to offer and everything beautiful and wonderful and unique about us, this is that loud voice inside our heads that reminds us of everything we’re not, everything we mess up, everything we lack, and everything we think we'll never be. And the worst part is it can go on for years and years, sometimes even a lifetime, without us even realizing what’s going on.

If you don’t know what I mean, next time you find yourself wondering if you’re good enough for someone, questioning whether settling for crumbs is the best you’re ever going to get, beating yourself up for saying or doing something that you later regret, ask yourself where these thoughts are coming from. Then you'll recognize it – that inner voice that's been chipping away at your self-esteem your entire life.

It's a lie.

More from YourTango: 4 Ways Your Mom Messed Up Your Love Life

Well, I’m here to tell you right now that what your inner voices are telling you is just not true. It’s all a bunch of lies.

The problem is, sometimes we believe these lies so deeply that we don't even allow ourselves to want to be loved. We tell ourselves we don't need it, that we're fine on our own, we're doing just great, thank you very much. But this is just another destructive way of dealing with our internal negative self-talk. Is it any wonder we have such a hard time finding - and keeping – love in our lives?

Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Jane Garapick

Dating Coach

Jane Garapick knows firsthand what it’s like to have a broken heart, a broken dream, and a broken you. She writes about adventures on the rocky road to finding Mr. Right at her website www.gettingtotruelove.com.
 

To get started on your own personal journey to true love, download Jane's complimentary guide "Find Your True Love: 10 Simple Steps to Getting the Love You Want...and Deserve"

You can also follow her on Twitter @JaneGarapick and "like" her page on Facebook

Location: Alpharetta, GA
Credentials: Other
Other Articles/News by Jane Garapick:

Flirting Tips: 4 Ways To Knock His Socks Off In 4 Minutes

By

Whether you're trying your hand at speed dating or just looking to get the attention of that guy in the elevator who's caught your eye, often there's just not much time to make that initial connection. The good news is, a recent study by Stanford University indicates that you can make a meaningful connection with someone in as little as four ... Read more

4 Ways Your Mom Messed Up Your Love Life

By

Mother's Day is fast approaching and it got me thinking about the ways in which our mothers affect our dating patterns. Whether we recognize it or not, your mom has a say in who you become and even who you date. As much as you'd like to think that you're completely separate from her and aren't influenced by what she thinks of you, the fact is ... Read more

3 Steps To Get The Commitment You Want

By

We all want to feel like our partners are committed to us. In fact, a recent study commissioned by Benenden Health, one-third of the study participants said that they would feel more optimistic about their relationships if their partners showed them more commitment. On top of that, most married participants were significantly happier than their single fellow ... Read more

See More

Recent Expert Posts
Hand Shake

Joint Account Or No Joint Account? That Is The Question!

The pros and cons of having a joint account.

Smooch

Does Length Matter When Dating

Does the length of time dating before marrying have a significant impact on the success of your...

Imagine

Change Of Heart: Now She Wants Him Back

There's a reason you broke up with your ex. Is there really any benefit to taking a step backwards?

Ask The Experts

Have a dating or relationship question?
Visit Ask YourTango and let our experts and community answer.

Resources
How to find the right pro for you
10 Reasons Mental Health Pros Should Join YourTango Experts

10 Reasons Mental Health Pros Should Join YourTango Experts

YourTango Experts can help your business go from good to great.

10 Steps To Improve Your Coaching Business

Take your coaching business from mediocre to great in no time…

Frequently Asked Questions About YourTango Experts

Thinking of joining? Here's all the facts you need to know to make the most of your membership.

Getting Your Guy To Join You In A Therapy Or Coaching Session

So how can your get your strong, self-reliant, superman to talk to an Expert with you?

Therapist/Counselors: Who We Are & What We Do

What exactly does a therapist/counselor do and can they really help?

See more resources>
HOT STUFF!
FROM OUR PARTNERS