Chances are he’s already told you one way or another that’s he’s not interested in a long term commitment, at least not right now. This is where you have to take him at his word. We all too often want to believe that he’ll change, that after being with you for a while he’ll come around and be ready to commit. Or, even worse, we play along and tell him it’s fine, we’re not looking for a major commitment either – how crazy is that? Ladies, we need to be up front about it – let him know that you’re in this for the long term, and you’re looking for a guy who wants the same thing. And know that if a guy is telling you he’s not ready for a commitment it’s very unlikely that he’ll change his tune, particularly if he’s telling you this after you’ve let him know that you want a commitment. If this is the case, your best move is to let him go and find yourself a guy that’s looking for the same thing you are.
2. Watch what he does – and remember that actions speak louder than words!
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The same thing applies for what he’s telling you by his actions. If he’s mostly living life like a single guy, often going out with his friends when you’re not invited or included, look at those actions as very strong indicators that this guy is not into a relationship right now, and may not be for a very long time, if ever. He may be a great guy, but his maturity level is showing here, and it’s indicating he’s not on the same page as you are. If he’s ready for a real commitment, he’ll show you that he is by being there for you and making plans for your future together. If there’s no sign of any long term plans, then he’s stuck in single-guy mode. It’s time to clearly let him know what you expect in a relationship, which brings us to the next point.
3. Talk to him about what you’re looking for.
While I’m sure you’ve given him enough hints, either subtle or not so subtle, about what you’re looking for, it’s time to be absolutely clear and make sure that he understands that you’re looking for a long term relationship. Define it for him, to make sure he understands – after all, his definition of a long term relationship might be quite different from yours. If you want to be married (at some point), let him know; if you want children (again, at some point), let him know this as well. It’s very important to make sure that you’re both wanting to go down the same path, otherwise you’ll both be unhappy later. I can’t say this enough – don’t beat around the bush here – make sure he completely understands that you’re looking for someone to build a future with. If he still can’t give you what you want, find someone who will.
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4. Set a reasonable time limit.